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(This article was first published in the Worthing FC Programme in the 2002-2003 season)
Let’s drink, let’s drink, let’s drink to Lilly the Pink, the Pink, the Pink…
Bognor Regis
The continual struggle for West Sussex coastal supremacy yet again looms ever closer. We all know we have the bigger pier, the real hotels and pubs that are pubs, not off licenses with seats, but can we get the result needed for a clean sweep?
Remember: Papa may have a brand new bag, but you don’t want to use it. With a matchday programme reminiscent of an Argos catalogue, you may wish to take a briefcase or similar receptacle with you to keep it nice, as it’s not going to fit in your pockets. Unless, of course, you’re a poacher. In which case you’d best move on, sir, because I seen the gamekeeper and ee’s got the dog’s out looking for you.
Le Bog Noir: Like an obscure art house film genre: dark, dank and unappealing. Someone’s had the lightbulb! You try and feel your way along the wall, but urrggh, what was that? You shudder as you realise the horrible truth…
Epsom & Ewell
They’re ganging up on us now, not one but TWO small Surrey suburbs lining up to take a pop. Go on then, put your dukes up. It’s okay really, they’re not that big, not even added together. We’re big, but then we’ve got lots of old people too. Many of them having moved from places like Epsom to retire and tend to their gardens and sup real ale (YOU know who you are!).
Epsom (and Ewell too) play at Merland Rise in Banstead. It’s small, low-level and has a clubhouse several miles from the actual “arena”. The toilets were a bit suspect on our last visit (FA Cup Preliminary in 1999) and needed guards posting outside to stop the door flying open mid-squat – watch yourselves! They play in blue and white hoops, just like some other outfit from the Smoke who everyone down here seems to support, and prefer a two-goal lead within the opening minutes. Forewarned is forearmed…
Through the wind and the rain and the snow and the ice: Lets face facts. This game is due to be played on Saturday January 4th. On a ground where at least two teams play league football (probably reserves as well). It’s going to be wet and cold. Do YOU think it will be on? DO you? Avoid unnecessary travel by phoning the club before you set off. Or that could be you alone in that dark, wet car park trying to find another game to watch, when you could have been tucked up in a nice tartan blanket in front of a roaring fire with a cup of cocoa and some toasted marshmallows.
Dulwich Hamlet
Hamlet? If it’s not a cigar, then it must be a small settlement of primitive dwellings in an isolated rural area. Not a great huge slice of the sprawling, polluted, desolate urban heartland that is Sarf Of The River (“at this time of night, Guv? It’ll cost ya”). A heady mix of innovative design and supermarket architecture (sounds just like Bolton’s old Burnden Park!) await the visitor at this posh little ground.
Many have tried to drive to Champion Hill in time for kick-off, and many are still sitting on the A23 in Streatham High Street, right outside that big niteclub place. And that’s from last season’s fixture. As the team will be setting off on Thursday lunchtime, the hardy band of loyal Rebels on the road may want to consider switching to rails for this soiree. You know it makes sense.
Pink and blue: Goes a little too well if you ask me. Particularly in stripes. Give me Pink and Brown quarters any day. See, even Corinthian Casuals know how well light blue goes with pink, as they have the shorts to prove it.
At the car wash
The Flying Horseman
7th Feb 2004