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(This article was first published in the Worthing FC Programme in the 2002-2003 season)
The Horseman writes…
Freed from the chains of writing about endless away matches, the Flying Horseman runs riot with a for-one-week only 20p mix-up of goodies.
Horseman Half-term awards
The “Maidenhead Bunker” award for the worst Clubhouse décor – Tooting and Mitcham’s Ladbroke-themed new entry shoots in at number one, knocking last year’s winner, Bromley, into second place with their Youth-wing inspired clubhouse.
The “Westfield Portacabin” Award for the smallest Clubhouse – Ashford Town (Middlesex). Small is too large a word to describe it, as the last “l” wouldn’t even get in the door, let alone make it to the bar.
The “Stan Flashman Dodgy Barnet” award – Hard to choose with a bevvy of players opting for “Stringfellow-esque” highlights, but Wesley pips it, as his dark and dusky Mediterranean looks are obviously harder to hide with peroxide.
The “Mark Burt” award for the most embarrassing goal scored against us – has to be Tom Graves measured lob over a stranded Matty May at Ashford. Don’t worry Tom, we’d already lost it.
The “Paul Kennett” award for the luckiest goal scored by us – the deftly flicked back-header by the Banstead centre-back to gift us a 96th minute winner in the worst 3-2 win ever seen.
The Horseman hero for half-term – tricky one this, given the recent run of form, but I’m going to have to plump for the flying Frenchman for his swashbuckiling musketeer-like displays.
The League within a league within my head
The Horseman was intrigued when someone recently likened the Sussex renaissance to a “golden diamond”, with Worthing the southern point, Horsham the northern point, and Bognor and Lewes the western and eastern points. Of course, a quick game of join the dots on the road atlas revealed that this is not a diamond shape, but more rhombus-like in appearance (providing you squint).
So here it is, your own guide to this parallelogram of power (although it’s already out of date as it doesn’t include the Boxing Day results)
| Pl | W | D | L | F | A | Pts | GD | |
| 1. Welly-wearing landrover drivers | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 6 | 4 | 4 | +2 |
| 2. Rebels | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 0 |
| 3. Small town near Pagham | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 0 | -2 |
| 4. Our country cousins from the east | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
Cup Results between teams:
Butlins 1, Worthing 0 (FA Cup 1st Qualifying Round)
Lose 0, Worthing 2 (Sussex Senior Cup, 2nd Round)
Has anyone seen my bulging sack?
Well, I had big plans for a Christmas special with suggestions for presents for prominent footballing figures at Worthing and around the County, however these mostly had to be shelved after I’d made a list and checked it twice. Nonetheless. Here’s a selection of some of the less libellous offerings:
- Barry Lloyd – some new gold-plated aviators (and maybe a zippo lighter)
- Uncle Jack – a new little green bag
- Gavin Jones, Wes Lopez and Andy Walker – hairdressing vouchers
- Gary Young – Swiss Toni’s guide to Used Car Sales
Back next year with more inspired insight into the delights that await the travelling Worthing fan.
I am the walrus, coo-coo-coo-choo
The Flying Horseman
7th Feb 2004