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(This article was first published in the Worthing FC Programme in the 2002-2003 season)
I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it…
Epsom & Ewell
Oh, that road we know so well. On your way up the A243, don’t be drawn in by the magnetic lure of legoland, with its astroturf pitches and its Ladbrokes Theme bar. Instead, turn left at the traffic lights and head for Merland (low-) Rise. Don’t dally in the clubhouse before kick-off – it’s a fair distance to the pitch.
And don’t expect a Horse-fest either. Not only do Epsom (and Ewell, too) play in Banstead, but the racecourse is at Tattenham Corner. Whether that’s the corner nearest to the ground is not known. Nor do I know how many corners a Tattenham has, but then you’d reckon on four. Any less would be too pointy, and any more is bordering on the excessive curviness of a dodecahedron.
Weather-watch: Cold
Dulwich Hamlet
Happiness is a pink and blue kit, apparently. Unless you like a bit of a brown, in which case Corinthian Casuals would be right up your alley. The team from the Big Smoke with the little rustic name play host to the mighty Rebels in mid-January – just think, sitting on the A23 with ALL that traffic, all going to Ikea? “Why”, you ask? Why so much fanaticism over reasonably priced Scandinavian flat-packed furniture? “What’s wrong with MFI, you idiot?” you’ll shout out the window at other cars. But they’ll all be wearing the new sweater they got for Christmas and pretend not to hear you. Do the statistics – just one Ikea for the whole slice of Surrey and Sussex! Who wants to pay the quid at the Dartford Tunnel just to go to the one at Thurrock? Would you?
And of course, once you’re past Ikea you’ve got the rest of Croydon to worry about… not to mention Thornton Heath or Streatham.
Ivor the Engine: A train trip beckons. Be warned – do your drinking at London Bridge or East Croydon, as the streets are definitely not paved with yellow bricks.
Banstead Athletic
Bedstead Athletic also play host to Epsom AND Ewell, and this will be our second visit in less than a month. Good job we killed the other two birds with one stone on our first jaunt, eh?
After watching Worthing stage the luckiest recovery since Lucky McLuck luckily recovered from some particularly bad luck, Bedstead will be looking to avenge their 3-2 defeat at the hands of the Rebels at the start of the season. Can the Bedstead defenders conspire to set us up with two clinching goals in the last 2 minutes again? Will we give Bedstead the customary one-minute lead that we extended to so many teams at the start of the season, just to keep the crowd on their toes? And will the toilet doors stay shut without someone holding them?
What happens next: To find out the answers to these questions, and many more besides, come along to Merland Rise, Bedstead, on Saturday 1st February.
I like to ride my bicycle
The Flying Horseman
7th Feb 2004