(This article was first published in the Worthing FC
Programme in the 2002-2003 season)
I am the proudest monkey...
You’d think they’d play at Hendon, wouldn’t
you? Of course that would put them in North division, and that simply
wouldn’t do, would it? Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. No, the Met Police
are holed up at Imber Court, a plush sports and social complex in East
Molesey (don’t get your Hampton Court!).
In keeping with the recent terrace discussions about donning
fancy dress to the last away match of the season (Whyteleafe), I’m
all for wearing black and grey hooped jumpers, masks round our eyes and
carrying sacks marked “SWAG” to this one!
By all accounts, this ground has the poshest pitch and
bar in the whole of the Ryman, just no supporters to come and watch. But
we’ll be there, oh yes…
Work teams: Don’t you just love
‘em? We get Ford United and the Met Police, not to mention Ford
Sports (Daventry) and Vauxhall Motors. In Holland, they get PSV Eindhoven
(Phillips sports and social club) – when did Bobby Robson ever work
in a Phillips factory?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again
– Lewes: it’s just like one big family.
Join the travelling Rebels army at the Dripping Pan. Words
which were oh-so-true on our last visit, as scuba gear was needed in order
to enter the gents. Labouring under the misconception that they are now
a big club, expect Johnny-come-lately Lewes fans reminiscing about the
good old days (last season). Parking may be difficult, as the little lane
next to the ground (leading to the tip) will fill up quickly with bandwagons.
On the pitch, things could be tricky. Quinn’s side
are well-known for their underhand tactics (where do they get it from?),
as witnessed at Queen Street on Boxing Day when an off-the-ball challenge
led to ex-Rebel goal machine Gavin Geddes being stretchered off. Will
“Brighton’s Official Feeder Club” use their extensive
squad to defeat the Rebels, or will superior tactics win the day yet again?
Why don’t you:.Turn off the telly
and do something a little more interesting instead? Great idea, kids,
but how will we watch your programme?
Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars. Why Frank,
why? You can get just the same atmosphere at Croydon, and as an added
bonus, the pitch is almost as far away as Mars. The soulless Arena is
in Norwood, a mere tram journey away from the seething mass of humanity
that is East Croydon station (the home of Nestle, apparently), or a walk
from Norwood Junction (in the other direction from Selhurst Park).
A Wednesday night, a car journey through hellish early-evening
South London traffic. You may have done it your way Frank, but I’m
doing it mine, so leave it.
Where: Croydon – it says it’s
in Surrey, but we know different. You may try and apply for city status
to hide the fact that you are in bed with the Big Smoke, but you can’t
fool us, Billy-o.
Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman
The Flying Horseman
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