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(This article was first published in the Worthing FC Programme in the 2002-2003 season)
The odyssey continues (although it’s at a bit of a weird angle)…
Bognor
It’s getting even BIGGER as it looms up in front of us, like sitting in your conservatory watching a large grapefruit hurled over your fence and hurtling towards your pride and joy. Pesky meddling kids.
This is the one where the people of Bognor hope that 11 men, resplendent in the traditional green and white shirts (that’s “traditional” as in “haven’t changed the kit for 5 years”), can get one over the more glamorous and cosmopolitan town of Worthing. This grudge goes far deeper than football. This is about bigger piers, this is about more nightclubs, this is about having a tourist industry not based solely on a large barracks on the edge of town, and most of all, this is about having seafront bars that serve real beer, not just bottles.
The thinking, drinking mans’ choice will be via Ford station (and it’s local hostelry), arriving at the Lane around 2.30pm. Unless of course you like to pay top-whack prices for bottled beer in an off-licence with seats, in which case Bognor seafront comes highly-rated. Remember to try the bread pudding, although it’s a bit too stodgy for my liking.
The verdict: Nessun dorma? No sleep ‘til Bognor, more like! A tricky one, but a win is not outwith the realms of possibility. After all, the winners of this one must be a top tip for the final in May.
Carshalton
Rumour has it that Crawely’s breezeblock Broadfield Stadium would not meet the ground-grading criteria for the Ryman League as it’s car park is not treacherous enough. Carshalton’s Colston Avenue has no worries on this part, with a 4x4 recommended for tackling the furthest extremities, along with full mountaineering gear for the walk to the Clubhouse. Don’t even attempt it if you haven’t brought your Kendal Mint Cake.
Don’t let the catering catch you out here – the hatch directly outside the Clubhouse (and beyond the perimeter of the ground) serves chips and slush puppies, whilst the trailer inside is very much a burgers-only zone. The Club Shop had a great line in used 1980’s kit for £2 a pop last season – but remember, a bargain is only a bargain if you really need it. Cheers Mum.
Simon says: Sit down? Stand up? This sounds like an effort to extol the values of a totalitarian regime to impressionable youngsters. Oppose it in all it’s forms. Let them play hopscotch and be done with it.
Horsham
The famous A24 derby match promises to have extra spice with Gavin Geddes back at Queen Street. Horsham is renowned for it’s barbour jackets and landrovers (at least they’ll have no trouble at Carshalton!), yet the “eccentric yet lovable” crowd at Queen Street bears no relation to the genteel stereotype of mid-Sussex downs-dweller.
The best way to approach this is with cunning and stealth – they’ll be expecting us to enter from the south-west. Outflank them and their traffic by turning right on to the A272 at Bucks Barn then hanging a left at Cowfold. Follow this road in and the ground is on the left before the railway bridge. Leave the misleading central ring-road to the amateurs.
Prediction: Light showers clearing from the south. A fresh 14 degrees maximum during the day, dropping to an overnight low of 4 degrees, with some overnight frost on high ground.
In a while, crocodile
The Flying Horseman
7th Feb 2004