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(This article was first published in the Worthing FC Programme in the 2002-2003 season)
One a penny, two a penny…
Lewes
Like the juicy, succulent filling between two dry stale bits of crust, Lewes come up against the Rebels roadshow immediately after facing Horsham and just 3 days before the visit Bognor in a spicy West Sussex sandwich.
What’s currently got a entire parka of groundspotters (yes, that is the collective noun) scratching their heads is how did the Dripping Pan ever got an A grade, particularly with THOSE toilets… perhaps they tightened their nuts in time?
Will the game finally go ahead? Will Lewes want to face a Worthing side in full flight, who beat Carshalton 2-0 at a canter? Will more mysterious holes appear miraculously on the pitch? Has Jimmy been to Robert Dyas for a bigger spade? And most important of all, has Jimmy renewed his Network Card? Platform 2 for the 8.57 to Crawley… oops, sorry Jimmy, you missed the train.
Hi ho… Hi ho, it’s off to Lewes we go, with a bucket and a spade to stop the game being played, hi ho…
Whyteleafe
Another venue with a habit of developing holes. Featuring a clubhouse with more beer pumps than you could shake a stick at, yet only a third of them are connected up – what’s the point of that? Like our stumpy-piered neighbours, Whyteleafe play in green and white (white leaf… get it?), so expect a red-shirted Rebels riposte.
The ‘Leafe have been riding high this season, on a reputed budget of 6s 5d, with bread and gruel expenses for the players – we can expect a swashbuckling finale as they battle for the highest finish possible. Like aiming drunkenly for the bullseye in the pub, just to show “I could have been a contender”, expect Worthing to try and nail 12th place and scratch goal difference – as the final 3 games approach we will doubtless be trembling like an aroused cobra ready to strike. How this game goes will no doubt depend on our goal difference as we head in to the final straight.
Super Noodles You can keep your stodgy bread pudding – Whyteleafe used to boast Thai Curry flavoured super noodles, made with tea urn water and a microwave in a chip tray, served with a buttered roll. Gourmet half-time cuisine at it’s finest.
Metropolitan Police
The Met play at the plush Imber Court, just round the corner from Molesey. Apparently they let anyone play these days, so expect a team of traffic wardens. Their all-blue ensemble is sponsored by “News Of The World” – now you know where all these “shock exclusives” come from.
Imber Court is refuted to have the plushest turnstiles in the league – but don’t stand and stroke them if I’m behind you in the queue to get in. This match was rescheduled after clashing with the Anti-War March earlier in the season. Mind yourself on the stairs.
Why not? Dress up in fancy dress for this one? Last away game of the season and all that - how about prison arrows, eye masks and bags marked “SWAG”?
Doh a deer, a female deer; Ray a drop of golden
sun; Me a name I call myself; Far, a long, long way to run; Sew a needle
pulling thread; La a note to follow So; Tea a drink with jam and bread…
which brings us back to Doh-oh-oh
The Flying Horseman
7th Feb 2004