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       (This article was first published in the Worthing FC 
        Programme in the 2002-2003 season) 
      The never-ending story… 
      
      Wellies? Barbour jackets? Landrovers? Tennis and lunch 
        with Tarquin and Chloe? NO - leave it. 
      Let the battle of the Sussex heavyweights commence – 
        1 division, 1 season, 6 derby matches each. Not counting cups, the Ryman 
        Sussex sides will meet in a series of no less than twelve matches to decide 
        who the daddy is. Can Worthing get an early start in this league-within-a-league 
        (-within-my-head) against free-scoring Horsham? Can our defence withstand 
        the onslaught of Gavin Geddes, Robbie Collins and the other guy who got 
        the hump after being dropped? Can our wing wizards hit form mystify the 
        Horsham defence and whip in the sort of crosses that Jones and Knee lap 
        up? 
      Horsham lost 2-0 to Southwick in a pre-season friendly… 
        no one is invincible. 
      Top tip: Go to this game. Wear red (even 
        if you have to put a Rebels’ shirt over your jacket, or even better, 
        go in a boiler suit). Sing a lot. See Worthing win. Go home happy.  
      
      Anyone going to both games will suffer a dizzying bout 
        of déjà vu as both Queen Street and Stag Meadow are almost 
        identical – down a thin lane, cover on one side and small stand 
        on the other, Tea bar in the top corner near the turnstiles, wellies, 
        barbour jackets… 
      Spooky, that’s what it is. A conspiracy to disorientate 
        the easily confused and the weak of mind. Should be banned by the league. 
        If you drive here, under no circumstances by tempted to look at the map 
        and decide that Datchet is a short-cut. Datchet is no such thing. It is 
        a road to nowhere, and is only good as the name of the mechanical dog 
        in Battlestar Galactica. 
      Windsor & Eton have a strangely alluring red and green 
        kit (remember: “red and green should never be seen”), but 
        it can’t compete with the change kits – try and sneak a glance… 
        if you dare! 
      Fact: In 1995, a Manchester City fan 
        was banned from bringing dead chickens into the Maine Road ground. He 
        used to celebrate a City goal by swinging the lifeless bird around his 
        head. 
      
      Parting is such sweet sorrow, unless you’re leaving 
        Walton’s clubhouse that is. Last season’s number one clubhouse 
        for watching Pop Idol over a can of Guinness is back, and this time it’s 
        on a Tuesday. No train trips, apart from for the fiercely committed and 
        criminally insane, and no Waggon and Horses. How could this be allowed 
        to happen? 
      With the vocal majority of Worthing’s travelling 
        support mourning the loss of this epoch-marking train journey, the residents 
        and tennis-players of this sleepy Surrey suburb are in for a quieter night 
        than usual. The very place that saw the birth of the seminal “Pikachu 
        Song” will, alas, only play host to a fraction of our normal support. 
        Of course, this might mean that we actually win. 
      Walton are a team that have benefited substantially in 
        the recent from selling players such as Nathan “Duke” Ellington 
        (Bristol Rovers) and Bas Savage (Reading), which is a shame, as they had 
        the making of a great team of comedy names. Could still do with more beer 
        on tap in the clubhouse, mind. 
      Why: why not? Go on, what’s the 
        worst that could happen? 
      Ambassador, you’re really spoiling us 
        The Flying Horseman 
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