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Alternative song sheet: special ("that" song...)

Disclaimer: The characters featured in this song are entirely fictional, and any similarity to a greeting-faced singer and her squeaky gob-shite husband are entirely co-incidental.  Honest.


The song that wouldn't die, now with three versions: the "Classic" Scotland version, the Berti Vogts special, and even a wee tribute to some of the members of the Tartan Army Message Board.

Some of the reprobates that have contributed to this pile of filth are listed here.  If you fancy joining this hall of shame, please email me your suggestions at fatman@netleyabbeytartanarmy.com


Original Scotland version:

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She shags all over town
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Craigy Brown

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She takes it up the rear
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Davie Weir

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She's likes to get all moist
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Ally McCoist

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
Her fanny smells of mould
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Jonathan Gould

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
Her pubes are short and curly
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Craigy Burley

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She's got minging fanny batter
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Slim Jim Baxter

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She likes to bite the pilla'
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Kenny Miller

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She loves to make a noise
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Tommy Boyd

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She takes it like a man
And when Backham shags her up the arse
She thinks of Neil McCann

Oh Pish Space is a slapper
She rubs her nipples raw
And when breast feeding Brooklyn
She dreams of Denis Law

Oh Pish Space is a slapper
That likes to go out dancin'
And when she does that pole routine
She dreams of Alan Hanson

Oh Pish Space is a slapper
Her minge is soft as fluff
But hubby David Backham's dick
Has hair like Alan Rough

Oh Pish Space is a slapper
She keeps her hubbie guessin'
And when he's playing football
She's shagging Ryan Esson

Oh Pish Space is a slapper
She likes her man well-hung
So Backham's willie winkie
Makes her dream of Derek Young

Oh Pish Space likes to dress up
Like a Traffic Warden
She writes out tickets for hand-ball
Unless your names Joe Jordan

Oh Pish Space is a slapper
She has lips like a camel
She combs her minge from left to right
To honour Archie Gemmill

Oh Pish Space is a slapper
She takes it in the mooth
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Scotty Booth

Oh Pish Space is a slapper
Her legs are long and bony
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Shaun Maloney

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper 
Her fanny's wet and hairy 
And when she's shagging Backham 
She thinks of Davey Narey 

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper 
Her fanny smells of cod 
And when she's shagging Backham 
She thinks of Davie Dodds

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper 
She licks a a big,big dick 
But not with Davie Backham 
But Scotland's Charlie Nick 

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper 
She should be on a leash, 
And when she's shagging Backham 
She pictures Alex McLeish

Oh, Pish Space is like Scotland, 
She's always getting stuffed 
But when she's shagging Berti, 
She thinks of Alan Rough!!!!

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper 
She wears a skimpy dress 
So she can flash her fanny 
When she sees Eoin Jess

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper 
Her rear's taken a hammerin' 
And when she's shagging Backham 
She thinks of Mickey Cameron 

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She wasnae on the pill 
Who is Brooklyn's daddy 
Backham or Jimmy Hill? 

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She's got a smelly trench
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Hamish French

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper, 
But spare the lass a thought, 
She ends up shagging Backham, 
When she could have had a SCOT!

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper 
And this is getting ridiculous, 
But when she's shagging Backham 
She thinks of Charlie Nicholas.

Back to the top


Berti Vogts Special

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper, 
She cannae hit high notes, 
But when shes shagging Backham, 
She thinks of Bertie Vogts

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper 
Not a cunning linguistic 
But when she's with Scotland's Berti Vogts 
It's a "Wellsprung dick technik "

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
Her face gives me the boaks
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Berti Vogts 

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper,
She likes it up the derriere,
And when she's shagging Backham,
She thinks of 'Da Terrier'

Oh, Pish Space is a Slapper,
She's shagged thousands of blokes,
And when she's shagging Backham,
She thinks of Bertie Vogts

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She loves to get her oats
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Berti Vogts

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She's even had John Noakes
But when she watches Blue Peter
She thinks of Berti Vogts

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She sucks it 'til she chokes
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Berti Vogts

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper,
She's really rather dirty,
And when she's shagging Backham,
She thinks of our man Berti

Oh, Pish Space is a slapper 
She shags about the town 
Now she's shagging Berti 
She's dumped poor Craigie Brown 

Back to the top


TAMB Special

Penned by various members of the popular Tartan Army Message Board,
this little ditty is probably only of interest to those "in the know"

Oh Pish Space is a slapper 
Her twat's worked up a lather 
And when she's shagging Backham 
She thinks of Ally Macabre

Oh Pish Space is a slapper 
When Backham's at the Bingo 
She is on the telephone 
Having sex with Fringo

Oh Pish Space is a slapper
She even shaves her beaver
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Ally Maciver

Oh Pish Space is a slapper 
She wants another baby 
But not with David Backham 
She's after Den Haag Davie

Oh Pish Space is a slapper 
she's got no effing class 
when she's shagging Backham 
she thinks of Phil MaGlass

She has a sister Louise 
who looks just like a lezzie 
when she's licking fannys 
she dreams of shagging Ezzy 

Her husband plays for Man U 
He thinks he's world class 
In fact he's really shite 
Worse than Phil MaGlass 

Oh Pish Space is a slapper 
But unlike Lady Godiva 
She doesn't like to mount a horse 
But prefers to ride MacIver 

She has a son called Bricklyn 
He's just a little boy 
But she doesn't love him 
It's really Mick North Croy 

She used to be a Space Girl 
They were a load of piss 
All that they could think of 
Was a foursome with Bzzzz

Back to the top


Many thanks to Fringo, Big Dave J, Andrew Cowe Fae Corby, Stan Drews, Ally Macabre, Den Haag Davie, Kernagham, Lok Lomond, Twins, Macduffer, Glesgagoer, Will fae Swindon, Fat Gaz, Martin Riddell and all others who have contributed verses.  

If I've missed you off this list and want a credit, or you have new verses, please drop me a line at fatman@netleyabbeytartanarmy.com


Disclaimer:
The characters featured in this song are entirely fictional, and any similarity to a greeting-faced singer and her squeaky gob-shite husband are entirely co-incidental.  Honest.


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