Alternative song
sheet: special ("that" song...)
Disclaimer: The characters featured in this song are entirely fictional, and any
similarity to a greeting-faced singer and her squeaky gob-shite husband are
entirely co-incidental. Honest.
The song that wouldn't die, now with three versions: the "Classic"
Scotland version, the Berti Vogts special, and even a wee tribute to some of the
members of the Tartan Army Message Board.
Some of the reprobates that have contributed to this pile of filth are listed
here. If you fancy joining this hall of shame,
please email me your suggestions at fatman@netleyabbeytartanarmy.com
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She shags all over town
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Craigy Brown
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She takes it up the rear
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Davie Weir
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She's likes to get all moist
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Ally McCoist
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
Her fanny smells of mould
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Jonathan Gould
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
Her pubes are short and curly
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Craigy Burley
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She's got minging fanny batter
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Slim Jim Baxter
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She likes to bite the pilla'
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Kenny Miller
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She loves to make a noise
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Tommy Boyd
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She takes it like a man
And when Backham shags her up the arse
She thinks of Neil McCann
Oh Pish Space is a slapper
She rubs her nipples raw
And when breast feeding Brooklyn
She dreams of Denis Law
Oh Pish Space is a slapper
That likes to go out dancin'
And when she does that pole routine
She dreams of Alan Hanson
Oh Pish Space is a slapper
Her minge is soft as fluff
But hubby David Backham's dick
Has hair like Alan Rough
Oh Pish Space is a slapper
She keeps her hubbie guessin'
And when he's playing football
She's shagging Ryan Esson
Oh Pish Space is a slapper
She likes her man well-hung
So Backham's willie winkie
Makes her dream of Derek Young
Oh Pish Space likes to dress up
Like a Traffic Warden
She writes out tickets for hand-ball
Unless your names Joe Jordan
Oh Pish Space is a slapper
She has lips like a camel
She combs her minge from left to right
To honour Archie Gemmill
Oh Pish Space is a slapper
She takes it in the mooth
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Scotty Booth
Oh Pish Space is a slapper
Her legs are long and bony
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Shaun Maloney
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
Her fanny's wet and hairy
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Davey Narey
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
Her fanny smells of cod
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Davie Dodds
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She licks a a big,big dick
But not with Davie Backham
But Scotland's Charlie Nick
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She should be on a leash,
And when she's shagging Backham
She pictures Alex McLeish
Oh, Pish Space is like Scotland,
She's always getting stuffed
But when she's shagging Berti,
She thinks of Alan Rough!!!!
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She wears a skimpy dress
So she can flash her fanny
When she sees Eoin Jess
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
Her rear's taken a hammerin'
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Mickey Cameron
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She wasnae on the pill
Who is Brooklyn's daddy
Backham or Jimmy Hill?
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She's got a smelly trench
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Hamish French
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper,
But spare the lass a thought,
She ends up shagging Backham,
When she could have had a SCOT!
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
And this is getting ridiculous,
But when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Charlie Nicholas.
Back to the top
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper,
She cannae hit high notes,
But when shes shagging Backham,
She thinks of Bertie Vogts
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
Not a cunning linguistic
But when she's with Scotland's Berti Vogts
It's a "Wellsprung dick technik "
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
Her face gives me the boaks
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Berti Vogts
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper,
She likes it up the derriere,
And when she's shagging Backham,
She thinks of 'Da Terrier'
Oh, Pish Space is a Slapper,
She's shagged thousands of blokes,
And when she's shagging Backham,
She thinks of Bertie Vogts
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She loves to get her oats
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Berti Vogts
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She's even had John Noakes
But when she watches Blue Peter
She thinks of Berti Vogts
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She sucks it 'til she chokes
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Berti Vogts
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper,
She's really rather dirty,
And when she's shagging Backham,
She thinks of our man Berti
Oh, Pish Space is a slapper
She shags about the town
Now she's shagging Berti
She's dumped poor Craigie Brown
Back to the top
Penned by various members of the popular Tartan
Army Message Board,
this little ditty is probably only of interest to those "in the know"
Oh Pish Space is a slapper
Her twat's worked up a lather
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Ally Macabre
Oh Pish Space is a slapper
When Backham's at the Bingo
She is on the telephone
Having sex with Fringo
Oh Pish Space is a slapper
She even shaves her beaver
And when she's shagging Backham
She thinks of Ally Maciver
Oh Pish Space is a slapper
She wants another baby
But not with David Backham
She's after Den Haag Davie
Oh Pish Space is a slapper
she's got no effing class
when she's shagging Backham
she thinks of Phil MaGlass
She has a sister Louise
who looks just like a lezzie
when she's licking fannys
she dreams of shagging Ezzy
Her husband plays for Man U
He thinks he's world class
In fact he's really shite
Worse than Phil MaGlass
Oh Pish Space is a slapper
But unlike Lady Godiva
She doesn't like to mount a horse
But prefers to ride MacIver
She has a son called Bricklyn
He's just a little boy
But she doesn't love him
It's really Mick North Croy
She used to be a Space Girl
They were a load of piss
All that they could think of
Was a foursome with Bzzzz
Back to the top
Many thanks to Fringo, Big Dave J, Andrew Cowe
Fae Corby, Stan Drews, Ally Macabre, Den Haag Davie, Kernagham, Lok Lomond,
Twins, Macduffer, Glesgagoer, Will fae Swindon, Fat Gaz, Martin Riddell and
all others who have contributed verses.
If I've missed you off this list and want a credit, or you have new verses,
please drop me a line at fatman@netleyabbeytartanarmy.com
Disclaimer:
The characters featured in this song are entirely fictional, and any
similarity to a greeting-faced singer and her squeaky gob-shite husband are
entirely co-incidental. Honest.
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