If you are easily offended, please do not read on without first
reading the Special Disclaimer. This article
is purely an attempt at humour and is not intended to cause any
offence. |
|
Although the country that gave us Smurfette is not renowned for
producing beauty queens, the land is not altoghether barren. Although
not on Eastern Europe standards, there are still a few pearls to
be uncovered. There's also a few ladies who are not shy of a pie
or two, and maybe should think twice before smothering her chips
in mayo.
Back to top of page |
|
Bosnia-Herzegovina was the Balkan country that adapted most readily
to Ottoman occupation, and the Turkish influence is still apparent,
from the market in Sarajevo to the dark and sultry beauties in the
bars. Dark hair, dark eyes and olive skin are very much the order
of the day here.
Back to top of page
|
PHOTO COMING SOON |
Tall, shapely, often dark-haired and invariably sultry, the Croatian
women are absolutely stunning. Helen's jealous, as they can all
get tight trousers long enough to fit their stunning legs, whilst
she has to poke around the out-sizes in M&S.
Sexpest says:
Absolutely correct, pulled within 10 seconds getting off
a bus in Split whilst on a normal holiday and dressed normally.
Found it harder getting them to take things further.
Back to top of page
|
|
Is it any wonder that Czech girls dominate the adult entertainment
business? Former Wonderbra model Eva Herizgova put her shapely figure
down to Czech beer, and I can vouch for this, as beer has also given
me the figure I have today. Best of all, not only are the women
drop-dead gorgeous, but the blokes all seem to have curly hair and
lumberjack shirts - you can't help but look exotic!
Back to top of page |
|
Top quality scandic totty a-plenty. With far more sociable nightlife
than provincial Oslo, Copenhagen's scores of trendy bars draw scantily
clad, dazzling Danish dames out in all weather. And with drinks
cheaper than most other Scandinavian centres, there's no excuse
for not buying the lady a drink! Just remember the "SAS"
factor (see Norway for an explanation)
As for your chances... well, this is
Scandinavia!
Back to top of page |
|
What can I say? Never mind the "Auld Enemy" bit - wear
a kilt out in England and if you can avoid being glassed your on
a guaranteed pull. They love it. Also popular in certain Soho and
Brighton clubs I understand.
Sexpest says:
Have worn it in London, ended up swapping my kilt for a size
10 girls trousers so she could where a kilt, needless to say I remained
in the Ladies whilst she was modelling my kilt. Everyone who saw
the performance in the ladies in changing found it funny. Also Married
Woman incident at family do in Bracknell.
(This man really is shameless!)
Back to top of page |
|
Estonia has long been a favourite of the Tartan Army, and not just
for it’s superb vodka. Alleged by some conspiracy theorists
to be a result of a sinister Soviet plan to breed a master race,
the Estonian women combine Baltic grace and unassuming beauty with
Scandinavian sexiness. Our last visit there saw a “Kiss The
Scotsman” night held in one of the clubs, obviously helping
boost the chance ratio.
Sexpest says: Absolutely
correct, the only reason I have not pulled an Estonian was due to
having a girlfriend at the time of the last visit so was rather
quiet (excuses, excuses!)
Back to top of page |
|
With a population of around 40,000, you would not be mistaken if
you feared a restrictive gene pool. Thankfully, the female genes
are good ones, as the ladies are very attractive. Unfortunately,
the same affliction that has affected similarly restricted gene
pools (i.e. the royal family) has led to them all being as mad as
hatters. Still, the chance of a liaison with someone they’re
not actually related to is always a lure – “variety
is the spice of life!”
Back to top of page |
|
Alluring, coy, slightly enigmatic and chain-smoking. Don’t
you know the stereotypes? Of course, all these factors combine to
make the ladies of France an enticing prospect. There’s also
something about a girl who dislikes England as much as you do!
Back to top of page |
PHOTO COMING SOON |
Very under-rated and harshly maligned. German ladies come in all
shapes and sizes, but best of all, aren’t afraid to wear tight
leather trousers. They also speak far better English than I could
ever hope to. Finally, there’s something about that commanding
and forceful way of speaking.
(Obviously the above, and the ratings,
are based on your pleasant girl in a bar, not your average latex-clad
dominatrix in "Rubber Dreams")
Sexpest says: Sorry
you are too genourous there, found very few of them about when I
was over.
Back to top of page |
|
We're talking about ordinary girls in a bar or in the street here,
not "ladeeez of the night" - just to get that clear! Dutch
girls are laid back and friendly, and on a par with their Belgian
neighbours (must be a Flemish thing).
Back to top of page |
PHOTO COMING SOON |
A city of many faces, and of air-conditioning. With 1-in-5 people
in the world being Chinese, there's many shapes and sizes to cause
you to spill your pint, including some shapes where you would not
expect to see them! Hong Kong is a city, like Amsterdam, where almost
everyone seems to be on the make, but if you can look beyond that
there are certainly some sights to behold. Beware the brothels that
masquerade as pubs!
Back to top of page |
|
Along with the Czech Republic, Hungary seems to provide the raw
material for a whole specialist section of the Hollywood film industry.
As seems to be the case with much of Central Europe, there is a
wide spectrum, but the pretty ones are very, very pretty. Language,
however, could prove problematic, as Magyar is unlike pretty much
everything else.
Chances are a bit of a mystery to me, given my two visits have
not been with Scotland... lending the place an element of mystery!
Back to top of page |
|
Iceland must have a very good PR agent over here! All this nonsense
about ladies with dark hair getting a load of attention, as the
Icelandic males are sick of blonde viking goddesses is absolute
rubbish. Blondes seem to be outnumbered by brunettes (pretty ones,
mind), and red hair is also surprisingly common (a legacy of viking
raids on Scotland on the way through from Norway, apparently). Very
attractive, yet slightly over-rated if you believe everything you
hear before you get there, and also very friendly… until drunk!
Beware unsuspected attacks when minding your own business in Reykjavik
bars.
Back to top of page |
|
Very grim memories of this one, due in part to a missing-in-action
room-mate and an over-friendly check-in assistant. Quote of the
trip: “I hope she’s got a good personality”. Wear
a kilt on a Saturday night in Dublin and you will not need to worry
about a hotel room! Although I’m well aware that Ireland has
a history of stunning women (e.g. Dana and the Corrs), unfortunately
we didn’t meet any of them.
Back to top of page |
|
This is a light-hearted look at the sort of ladies the Tartan Army
comes into contact with on tour (excluding “professionals”).
It is based on one person’s opinion and on anecdotal evidence,
based on a Scotsman’s chances in a kilt, and is written purely
for entertainment and humour. It is not intended to generalise or
offer a streotypical view, rather it is aimed to give a humorous
composite view based on the evidence available. In no way does it
mean to imply that English girls are easy. Whatsoever.
Although no offence is intended, and I would implore anyone likely
to be offended to simply stop reading, if you would like to object
to anything contained on this page (or have any other comments),
please email Paul on this link
Back to top of page |
|
|