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Ally Maciver/Macabre (The Grey Man) - read Ally's questionnaire HERE

Looks: Tall, distinguished (i.e. grey) looks, daft grin

Most likely to say: "Just leave it behind reception"

NATA Alter-Ego: The Grey Man is a reference to his silver locks and position as NATA's elder statesman, rather than a dull sense of clothing (anything but!) and ability to blend in.

Personal: Ally is well known to the Tartan Army at large due to his warm, friendly personality, his organisational flair (the man with the plan behind the original TAMB t-shirts) and his daft grin. Always laid back and thoughtful, Ally is often a calming influence on the rest of NATA, and a handy antidote to Paul’s and Susan’s neuroses. He’s also usually the sensible one, often eschewing wanton alcohol abuse in favour of a more considered approach, and lots of orange and lemonade.

Although Ally has occasionally cut a dash in his shocking tartan breeks, he is best known for his “home” and “away” kilts and his complimentary accessories – definitely the most likely member of NATA to be taken seriously for having his socks pulled up.

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Bruce (The Camera Man or Bid-up Bruce) - read Bruce's questionnaire HERE

Looks: Brian McClair with less hair

Most likely to say: "Two of the things I've eaten seem to be explosive once combined"

NATA Alter-Ego: The Camera Man, from his love of lying on his back to take dramatic shots

Personal: Much like Jekyll and Hyde, Bruce is capable of effecting a dramatic transformation from sensible and measured to carefree lunatic, simply by adding alcohol. A master of late-night timetables and a veteran of the last train home, Bruce is one of the main de-stabilising influences within NATA when he gets excitable.

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Hot Pants
Milky Bar

Chris / Clarkston Chris (The Blonde Man)

Looks: Think H from Steps, with less hair

Most likely to say: "Where’s the Shareen?", or “Of course I’ll pay for a taxi. What, for your three boyfriends as well?”

NATA Alter-Ego: Although dubbed The Blonde Man, Chris has yet to cement this with his own t-shirt. He best hurry up, because if his hair continues thinning at it's current rate...

Personal: Chris hails from Clarkston, on Glasgow’s south side, but is now seeking his fortune in futures in London, where the streets are paved with gold and that. Forever moaning at the price of beer, yet never seems to actually get his round in. Always drinks less than everyone else (even Susan!).

Chris met Paul and Rich in a Czech bar in 1999, when we helped his travelling companion at the time (Derek) to get a ticket, however it was Dublin where he came into his own. Flaunting a “Shaun the sheep” novelty posing pouch under his kilt, Chris was set upon by a band of rampant, middle-aged women, and returned shaking, with tales of how one was now wearing the sheep around her neck “like a medal”. Chris is also very familiar with the Kaunas – Vilnius highway.

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Helen (The Dizzy Blonde)

Looks: A Cute, English rose with chubby cheeks

Most likely to say: "I still haven’t remembered what it is I forgot"

Personal: Paul’s slightly more sensible half is an accomplished expert at impersonating Baltic prostitutes. After meeting Paul at University over a game of pool and a bet on a football match, Helen’s interest in football meant that her fate was sealed. She has even won more medals than Paul (who retired at the top of his game, aged 16) with Lancing Rangers and Upper Beeding Ladies, and was also the inaugural ATAC Ladies Penalty Shoot Out champion.

Despite being born in Middlesbrough, Helen avoided unemployment and does “something to do with pensions and assurances and that”. She loves to travel and to watch football, and has even dragged Paul along unwillingly on occasion, when all he wanted to do was sit in the pub. An adaptable girl, she is equally as comfortable with wine or lager, but turns her nose up at shots, unless it’s German schnapps.

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Dizzy Blonde
Panic Merchant

James (Panic Merchant) - read James' questionnaire HERE

Most likely to say: "Does anyone fancy a trip to the Harlow Town v Bishops Stortford derby?"

NATA Alter-Ego: The Panic Merchant, for somehow managing to surpass both Paul and Susan in the doom and gloom stakes

Personal: 50% of NATA's newest membership, James fell into our ranks by virtue of knowing Helen through work. Originally from the promised land, he moved back up from Brighton to the outskirts of Alloa (which is quite a feat in itself). Has a job that involves trying to break things, and an obsession with Iceland.

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Lynne (Poppers)

Most likely to say: "You'll need to try out our new hot tub"

Personal: NATA's newest WAG* and James' other half. Another ex-colleague of Helen's, and one of the more sensible and measured NATA members (like Bruce sans beer).

* WAG = "Wives And Girlfriends". C'mon, surely everyone knows that by now!?

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Paul (The Fat Man / The Web Daddy)

Looks: Jeremy Spake in a kilt

Most likely to say: "Have you got one that tastes of frazzles?" or "It’s like a triangle"

NATA Alter-Ego: The Fat Man. Not fat, just cuddly! Perhaps a little more "cuddly" than most, admittedly...

Personal: One of the founder members of NATA (see About NATA), Paul moved from Glasgow to Netley Abbey at the tender age of 11. One of the first people he spoke to at Netley Juniors was Rich, and he’s been trying to get shot of him ever since! Paul grew up watching Southampton FC with Rich and the Wee Man (and a cast of thousands), and it was at a Saints game that Rich and Paul resolved to join the Scotland Travel Club and start making the effort to go to games.

Paul enjoys worrying about travel arrangements, and can instill fear in even the hardiest NATA member by dreaming ever more “worse case scenarios”.

In addition to running the NATA multi-media empire, Paul has his own (empty) website here.

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Richard Donald Ross (The Ladies’ Man)

Looks: John Collins meets Hugh Grant meets a family-size tub of hair gel

Most likely to say: “Oh, just the milk then”

NATA Alter-Ego: Ladies’ man? Aye that’ll be right! Rich wears this title not so much with pride but more so with irony bordering slight embarrassment; so how did he come by this name? One story being that of a busty Bremen barmaid who squeezed up against him and whispered “You smell nice tonight” with Rich bluntly replying “Yeah, it’s Armani” before turning away and carrying on with his pint!

Still, occurrences such as this have landed him with the tag, whilst also providing much ammunition for the NATA. boys. One example being when we ‘gaffer-taped’ part of the back print on his t-shirt in order for it to read ‘Netley Abbey Tart.’ This is something he strenuously denies and he would openly admit to seeking the ‘perfect’ girl from any city or nation… or even from the final year of a comprehensive school! So does he live up to this reputation? Not really (if you can look beyond the fitted shirts, arse-hugging-high-waisted trousers and his liking for pretentious bars!) - if the truth be known, we were stuck for a name for his t-shirt.

Personal: Rich first moved to Netley Abbey at the age of nine and attended the village junior school before moving up to secondary school in the neighboring village of Hamble. Since then, Rich has had a career in ‘imports and exports’ (very James Bond!). As a ‘Scottish-Sotonian’ he is a partisan Southampton fan and even used to plan his Scotland away trips in such a way, so as to avoid missing any of the Saints’ home fixtures (until he fell out with the ex-Chairman and campaigned successfully for his removal).. Likes cats; dislikes ‘Auld’ man’s pubs.

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Nae Beer


Looks: Like you wouldn't want to mess

Most likely to say: "I like Snoopy"

Personal: Like the mast on Bruce's galleon, Sharon does her level best to keep Bruce on an even keel; most of his disasters (such as the £15 bag of crisps) occurred without her. Recently bought a house in a leafy Surrey village and is showing signs of domestication; unusual for a Gourock lassie!

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Susan / Sooz / Lamia (The Sick Chick)

Looks: Slim and waifish, often sporting a ridiculously short kilt with jackboots

Most likely to say: "I don’t like the long thin ones, I can’t swallow them"

NATA Alter-Ego: Susan’s nick name – the Sick Chick – is from often suffering from poor health whilst on tour; not, as some may like to claim, down to any distasteful predilections! Her other “nom de plume”, Lamia, is a wee bit more perplexing…

Personal: Susan and Ally met many years ago whilst studying in Paisley (the town, not the clothes), and although Susan is originally from Helensburgh (read: posh Weegie), they were brought together by a shared love of Aberdeen Football Club.

Susan shares Paul’s talents for worrying, and between them they can combine to create a force that drags NATA along to airports, train stations and football matches ridiculously early.

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Copyright notice: All photographs on this site are the property of individual members of the Netley Abbey Tartan Army unless otherwise stated. The copyright of these images remains with the individual possessing the photographic negatives, and permission should ideally be sought before copying them. We are keen to prevent anyone from making financial gain from our copyrighted images, or bringing the reputation of the Netley Abbey Tartan Army into disrepute (as we are more than capable of doing this ourselves).
If anyone does wish to use these images and would like express written consent to do so, please e-mail Paul Allison using via the contact page.
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