After Brussels, we all faced a long wait (much of it manger-less)
for the next away game (the friendly in Paris). We all found our
own ways to deal with this - some turned to the Tartan Army Message
Board for solace, others went to other country's games to make up
for Scotland's shortcomings (e.g. the Czech-Belgium play off). As
the winter drew to a close and spring was on the horizon, luck would
have it that Scotland were drawn in a triangular qualifying group
for the Under-17 World Championship against England and Lithuania.
All the games were to be played in the West Country, with the
group kicking off with Scotland-England at Bristol City's Ashton
Gate on a Wednesday night. A double-whammy of work commitments and
not wishing to see the next Michael Owen embarrass us in front of
legions of Bristol school-kids, Helen and I couldn't make this game,
but five brave footsoldiers (under the aliases of TA Ealing, Bzzzz,
WillfaeSwindon, Diggie Don and Danny Divers) witnessed a 3-1 defeat.
Apparently they were very well received by a crowd of over 8,000.
The following Friday afternoon Scotland U-17 were due to face Lithuania
at Twerton Park, Bath, with a 4pm kick-off. This time, nine of the
Tartan Army troops were available to make the trip (the five above
minus Danny, with Wrighty, Craig McDowall and Gavin from Maidenhead,
Helen and myself making up the numbers).
The day started early for Helen and I, as we stayed over at Helen's
parents in North Somerset on the Thursday night after driving up
from the south coast. We were dropped at Backwell station (Backwell
must be the biggest village I've ever seen!) just before 9am. Two
trains later (one of which was more like a bus, but with less seats!)
we were dining on a £1.99 Bhs breakfast in Bath before hitting
the Couer de Lion pub for opening time. A ropey pint of real ale
later caused me to reach for the Imodium earlier than planned, but
thankfully they did the trick! Another quick pint in a Riverside
boozer (The Rummer) and it was off to the Pig and Fiddle for the
meeting time of midday. No sooner had we walked up to the bar when
Diggie Don walked in, followed 30 minutes later by Wrighty from
Bournemouth. The "London Boys" (Bzzzz and TA Ealing, aka
Colin) arrived with Will around 1.30pm, and Gavin and Craig had
joined the fray by 2pm. The topics of conversation veered from how
Don had come down from Grimsby for the two games, to how he was
still 39 ("And how many years have you been 39 for?"),
and continued to stray from the sublime to the ridiculous as scrumpy
chasers were suggested. The pub filled up over the lunch hours with
a mix of students, office workers (including a lassie in a tartan
mini-skirt) and labourers, but everyone was genuinely friendly,
if a little surprised by our presence.
Come half-two and it was off to the taxi rank, 50 yards away according
to my newly-purchased sporran-sized map. Good job there was a pub
half-way to break the journey then! We popped in to the Old Green
Tree for a quick beer, and half of us almost plummeted to our doom
down the stairs to the gents. Posing the question to the barmaid
"Have you got a jukebox? Can we have the Wurzels on?"
met with a reply of "No, but you can sing if you want".
After five minutes of Posh Spice they changed their minds and asked
us to quieten down (as the old ladies in the back bar were eyeing
us suspiciously!). Taxis were ordered, and much like Hampden Cars
in Glasgow, they turned up infrequently enough to cause us to wander
the streets. Eventually the second and third cars turned up, but
by this point I'd dropped my brand new phone on the kerb, and then
trod on it for good measure! Being in a different cab from Helen
with her unable to contact me didn't do too much for her nerves.
(What follows has been pieced together
from other people's accounts and photographic evidence, as I was
a wee bit "tired and emotional" by this stage!)
We arrived at the ground just after kick-off, having missed the
anthems, and took up places on the terrace behind the goal we were
attacking with Craig and Gavin, whilst Will, Bzzzz et al went for
the "posh" view along the side, only to receive a barrage
of abuse from myself. Scotland took the lead through a Robbie Foy
penalty, but Lithuania equalised by half-time. After half-time burgers
(veggie-burgers in my case, as anyone in the queue will testify
to), we moved round behind the other goal (after a wee detour by
some to wind up some teenage neds trying to be abusive) and amused
ourselves (but not the Lithuanian keeper) by letting off rocket
balloons. This also ingratiated us with some local kids, and we
even missed one of Scotland's two late goals for handing them out.
At the end of the 3-1 win, as the lads were heading for the tunnel
whilst applauding us (and us applauding them), the captain led them
over, and they honoured us by shaking our hands, thanking us for
our support and allowing us to pose with them for a team photo.
On the way out of the ground we popped into the Bath City shop,
where a couple of us bought "Alan Pridham's Black & White
Army On Tour" t-shirts for the bargain price of £1. Poor
Alan had been sacked a week previously. We also invited the stewards
to come for a drink, and they pointed us in the direction of a nearby
pub. After treating them (and everyone else in the pub) to a round
from the kitty, we were invited back to the now re-opened clubhouse
for them to return the favour. In between, there was time for me
to have a quick doze, nestling my head on a toilet roll. I have
no idea how I came to be in possession of this, but it is clearly
visible in the photos. After being disturbed whilst leaning on the
table by a crowd of drunks with a camera, I laid back on the bench-like
seat, only for one of the Bath lads to produce a digital camera
and photograph me from a more "intimate" angle! Country
boys, eh?
Anyway, we were ushered up to what seemed to be the players lounge
where a large buffet had largely been untouched by the players.
We were invited to tuck in, and in the frenzy I ended up with pickle
on my kilt. I was also off the scrumpy at this stage and on to Smirnoff
Ice in a vain attempt to wake up - it was only when we hit the disco
in the function room downstairs around 8.30pm that I picked up.
And what a disco! When we walked in, the DJ had to leave the records
playing to go behind the bar to serve us. Having said that, he took
requests (Proclaimers went down well with everyone, but my suggestion
of Sweet Caroline cleared the dancefloor!) and we had the run of
the place until we left an hour later (more people had arrived by
then). Wrighty and the Maidenhead boys headed for the station and
the rest of us taxied it back to The Rummer. By now I was beyond
help, and Helen, Don and I headed for the Bristol train, whilst
Will, Bzzzz and TA Ealing headed for a club (they ended up kipping
in Bzzzz's car, but I understand that he was "delayed"
in getting back to it himself!).
All in all, a great day out, and a great way to warm up for Paris.
Regrets? Should have laid off the scrumpy!
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A long-standing rumour of a friendly match in Paris had been doing
the rounds for months before the SFA finally confirmed it in January.
Not wanting to miss the boat on accommodation, Helen, me, Ally &
Sue and Ally-a-like Bryan (and Trudie) booked up for the Hotel California
in the Latin Quarter back in December, knowing we could cancel the
hotel if necessary. Whilst Ally & Sue booked up well in advance
for a cheap Prestwick-Beauvais flight, and even Rich booked early-doors
for a week-long stay, Helen and I waited, spoilt for choice on the
Sussex Coast.
As it turned out, our original plans for a ferry trip and a night
in Rouen either side of our two nights in Paris fell through, and
with even the Eurostar fully booked, it was time to look for flights.
As luck would have it, a British Midland internet sale came up with
Heathrow-CDG returns for £53 each - none of your remote airstrips
for us! We were now spending 3 nights in Paris (Tues-Thurs), but
the downside was that the Hotel California was unavailable at the
same price on the Thursday, so we downgraded to a 2* for out last
night.
As we'd saved so much on the flights, we took the decadent step
of booking a hotel at Heathrow. We went for a drink in a local village
pub, and when The Eagles came over the stereo I took it as a sign
and texted Ally, who was already in Paris to tell him about the
coincidence. What came back was a rather worrying reply that they'd
been shifted down the road to different digs!
We arrived in Paris well after the mainstay of the Tartan Army
had arrived, and more than a little worried that we'd have to find
a different hotel. No such problems, and after less than an hour
after checking in, Ally knocked on our door - apparently as he'd
walked in the receptionist handed over Bryan's room key without
a word! We agreed to meet Ally & Sue within an hour at the Auld
Alliance pub, but as we walked up the road they were walking down
in the opposite direction, saying that things were a wee bit too
mental! A quick beer stop and a pizza later and we were ready to
meet the rest of NATA in the Cafe Klein Holland. Quite appropriately,
Den Haag Davie (touting a fine pair of tartan bondage trousers)
and Trish (who Helen and I met at a Loony Alba meeting that ended
up in an Australian nightclub) soon joined the fray, along with
the Wee Midges TA, the Pompey TA and 3 of the Notts Scots (Campbell,
Scott Forman and the hirsute Adam), and a large group of us set
off on a mini-crawl that took in Stolly's and a nameless pink pub.
An earlier invitation to visit a stag night in progress at The Highlander
Bar was brought up, and as the man with plan (well, a map, at least!)
I led the way, with Forman's Doric-twanged abuse ringing in my ears.
After 20 minutes stagger we arrived at the pub, negotiated the doorman
by employing a spot of name-dropping, and made our way downstairs
to what seemed like a Who's Who of the Tartan Army (i.e. just like
the Iron Horse on a home game). The session continued until chucking-out
time, by which point it was me, Helen, Jon B and Mick L of LA (both
of whom had been talked past the door by Helen). We left Jon and
Mick standing in the middle of a four-lane road trying to flag down
a taxi as we staggered the back road to the Hotel.
The next morning, both of us with killer hangovers, we dragged
ourselves out of bed for a 10.30 meet with Ally, who was on TAMB
t-shirt duty. We got to Stolly's (home of "Cheap Blonde"
beer) and set up camp in the corner, as various Tartan Army Message
Board regulars gathered for the arranged meet. To set the scene
for anyone not there, Stolly's was a tiny bar with 3 tables, about
the same size as most folks' living room, with a single multi-gender
WC cubicle - perhaps not the best-equipped venue for 200+ TA on
a matchday bender! Within a few hours the acidic French lager had
taken it's toll on my notoriously unstable insides and I had to
beat a hasty retreat over the Seine back to the hotel - a mere 20
minute waddle (let's just say I wasn't taking big strides!). I was
stopped on the bridge behind Notre Dame by a pretty American student
keen to engage in conversation, which didn't help much! I made through
the hotel door in one piece, got the key, belted it up the stairs
and rounded the last bend praying that (1) the cleaners weren't
in the room, and (2) that they had been and left some loo roll!
I was lucky on both counts, although for some reason there were
no towels. No time to think about that as I whipped off the kilt
and docked with the bowl in the nick of time, and having to resort
to using my t-shirt to mop my brow in the absence of any bathroom
linen. As it happened, it was just wind (albeit the wet variety),
and looking back a Remegel would probably have released the pressure
before it had reached critical level. Nonetheless, I was mentally
and physically exhausted by these events, and a wee doze on the
bed followed, disturbed only by the maid knocking on the door to
return the laundered towels.
Back into the fray an hour or so later, after a couple of concerned
texts from Helen, and I got back to Stolly's pretty much after the
main event. Clarkston Chris and his pal (over on a Radio Clyde freebie
that Chris had won the previous weekend) and Rich had now made it,
along with Alan who we had met in Prague for the play-offs. Ally
and Sue joined us all in an attempt to find a local bar on the way
to the tube, and we found a quiet one in the Chatelet area. We then
split up with the lads, and the four of us went on search of something
to eat, settling for a dead posh cafe overlooking the Pompidou centre,
after having stopped off for some hand-puppets first. After getting
thoroughly lost on the way to the RER, we caught a double-decker
train out to the ground, and walked round to find us at the ground
well ahead of schedule. After chatting to a few people we made our
way inside to soak up the enormity of the ground (none of us had
been at the Brazil game). The evening unfolded pretty slowly (bearing
in mind I was half-sober), and the 5-0 result flattered Scotland,
as France certainly took their feet off the pedal in the second-half.
Imagine if that first minute backpass that Barthez missed had rolled
the other side of the post? I bet that would have made them really
angry!
We stayed to watch the fireworks display and caught the RER back,
deciding en route to skip the centre and go to Luxembourg station,
near the hotel. We popped into a rare wee Belgian bar (Le Gueze),
where I had a pint of Cherry Beer for a fiver (believe me, it was
the cheapest beer on the menu), and a plate of bread and cheese,
but it was well worth it. A relatively early night followed, as
none of us were in a particularly great mood, brought on not so
much by the defeat but more from the constant goading from the locals
(by this stage it was getting difficult to carry on smiling as a
gracious loser).
The next morning we had to be up and packed to move hotels. As
the California was rated 3*, and was pretty cramped and basic, we
were a wee bit apprehensive about what waited in store at the 2*
Comfort Hotel just three streets away. A stiffening coffee later
we made it to the new hotel, and what a difference - the room was
at least twice the size, and the bathroom alone was bigger than
the last hotel's bedroom! A pit stop for some warm goats cheese
on toast was interrupted by a series of frustrated text messages
from Ally, who had been queuing for hours to get up the tower. After
agreeing to meet up that evening for a beer, Helen and I made our
way up to the Montmarte area for a wee tour of the Sacre Couer and
Pigalle. We then headed for the central Chatelet Les Halles area,
determined to find a local bar or two, only to stumble across the
Frog & Rosbif pub, complete with home-brewed real ales (the
shame of it!). On the way to the Metro we walked through what can
only be described as the ugliest red light area in Europe, which
was almost laughable, before getting lost at the other end of the
tube journey in the Marais area. We had agreed to meet Ally in the
Pure Malt Scottish pub, but after wandering the backstreets for
20 minutes a comfort break was called for, and I got my wish of
drinking in a local pub, where it turned out the owner was from
Gdansk.
The Pure Malt had died down during the afternoon, and we arrived
at the tail end, just in time to entertain a wee kid with my glove
puppet. After a pastis diversion back to the Polish-owned bar, we
hit the Auld Alliance, where I was able to put a face to a name
with Jon Smith from the list, who was working behind the bar. We
said we'd pop in for one before grabbing some food and heading back,
but that didn't prove as easy as we'd thought, so after 3 hours,
and with a mad Geordie lass called Catherine in tow, we went for
pizza, getting back in to the AA as the party was in full swing.
The red wine with the pizza had taken it's toll in Helen, and after
a wee stumble she was sat down quietly in the corner, next to a
young American couple who didn't know what hit them. The lad (Gunther)
happened to be studying at Sussex Uni (where Helen and I met), so
a drunken coincidental conversation followed, with Gunther asking
for me to recommend a good Scottish drink. With the help of Arthur
MacDonald we picked out an Islay malt, and judging by the expression
on his face it wasn't all he was hoping for! As the bedlam subsided
we made our way home south of the river at closing time.
For my part, the Caley 80 Shilling at the Auld Alliance certainly
helped me avoid the usual indigestion and hangover, and on the Friday
morning, rucksacks in tow, we decided to see what we could see.
This involved the Trocadero gardens, the Eiffel Tower (from the
bottom), the Arc de Triomphe, walking the length of the Champs Elysee
(around 2.5 miles) right to the Louvre, and then up to the back
of Chatelet, where the guidebook recommended a wee wine bar that
served plates of ham and cheese with bread. With both of us rehydrating
on the coke, we ordered a plate each, expecting a starter-sized
snack, only to be presented with an entire cheeseboard and what
must have been half a pig. Not wanting to appear rude, we did our
best, although I was to pay the price for this, with food poisoning
taking hold over the weekend when I got back home!
The flight home was pretty uneventful, save for the hordes of
Irish fans at the airport, and all-in-all we felt a wee bit disappointed
with the trip. For my part, this was down to the awful beer (save
for the final night, and even then I was cheating!), the dodgy guts
and the abundance of idiots who had made the trip, as well as a
large part of over-expectation. After all, this was the first trip
since Brussels, and with both of them being in Western Europe, it's
closer than a home game (and neither really felt like foreign trips!).
Sorry to sound like such a moaner... Oh well, bring on the Far East...
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(This is a long one - 3,000 words! - written
by possibly the only sober TA footsoldier in Torshavn - so if you
can't be bothered to read tales of penguin-related debauchery, roof
climbing and urban cowboys, the score was 2-2 and you can stop here.
Just don't ask me to vouch for your stamina!)
The above t-shirt slogan was coined shortly after the Qualifying
draw was made, along with the Iceland and Lithuania ones (unfortunately
not quite as memorable, but still under wraps for now nonetheless),
and it was to be adopted by many of the 600 Tartan Army in the Faroes.
How ironic then that "Nae Beer in Toftir" would have proved
far more apt for me (Paul) after a cruel turn of events leading
up to the trip!
Once the draw was made at the start of the year, several informal
arrangements were made with Ally regarding travel. We were acutely
aware that once the dates were announced in February there would
be a mad airline and hotel scramble for the two remotest destinations:
the Faroes and Iceland. Hope lingered about a possible double-header,
preferably in Summer 2003, enabling ample opportunity for a possible
cruise on the Smyril ferry. It wasn't to be, and as soon as the
fixtures were announced the deal was done - Ally to sort out the
Faroes and me to sort out Iceland. Ally came up trumps with an Atlantic
Airways package from Aberdeen, including 4 nights (Thurs-Sun) hotel
accommodation at the central Hotel Hafnia.
As fate would have it, the FA Cup qualifying draw paired my beloved
Worthing FC with sworn local rivals Bognor Regis Town on the Saturday
before the trip (which we lost 1-0), ensuring a heavy drinking session
before the trip. No worries, though I, it'll be a gentle warm-up.
After all, you wouldn't run a marathon without a spot of training
first, would you? The problems started with chest pains on the Sunday
morning (some may say they started with the vodka smuggled in to
the game and drank at half-time!), coupled with my customary acidic
stomach (a usual hangover occurrence), which I simply put down to
sleeping funny. When the chest pains were still there on Tuesday,
my workmates were getting increasingly concerned - "Look at
your weight - it's probably angina!" - that an emergency GP
appointment was sorted out. The diagnosis was that my stomach lining
was rubber-ducked, and some hardcore anti-acid treatment was duly
prescribed, along with a chilling warning to lay off all acidic
food and drink, especially alcohol (and also fizzy drinks and citric
fruit, i.e. orange juice). After a graphic description of how drinking
would probably set off a chain reaction of vomiting blood and tearing
my spleen, I made the decision to stay dry (well, it wasn't hard!),
and so set off to Aberdeen the following day with a heavy heart
and a desire to find banana milkshake.
After a night in Inverurie at Ally & Sue's, we spent a day
in Aberdeen before the 5.30pm flight, starting in the TA stronghold
of the Windmill Bar, where we met up with Tam, Captain Vodka, Van
Der Randan and (eventually) Artour. Encouraged by tales of kiltmaker
with drawers overflowing with spare sporran tassles, Tam and I set
off in search of repairs - unbeknown to us, Colin (head honcho of
the pub) was conspiring with the others to add to Tam's luggage
by way of a box of Tampax and an Ann Summers make-up kit. Unfortunately
the wind-up wasn't discovered at the baggage scan as hoped, but
later at the hostel where he was staying, A wee trip to the Bankhead
Inn in Bucksburn followed, to meet up with the majority of NOSTA,
and then on to the airport. The tickets had been messed up, so much
like Easyjet, it was a sit anywhere job on the flight. This led
to a brief state of panic for one well-known fellow "Ten-Pointer"
as he was left seatless after being last onboard - his face was
a picture as a chorus of "Ten points, nae seat" rang out
from the back, until a seat in First Class was eventually tracked
down.
After a breathtaking approach to Soravagur airport down a fjord
(think Dambusters) and stepping off into a blissful sunset, we all
crammed on to a single coach waiting to take us on the 90 minute
journey to Torshavn. After I gallantly gave up my seat for a pretty
Faroese girl (when she sat next to Helen, everyone swore that they
could be twins), I has to endure the journey in the jump seat next
to the driver, Roi, who took a bit of a battering for his no-nonsense
approach to alcohol and high-jinks (we later found out that a vomiter
on a different bus was forced to clean the bus from front to back
before being dropped off at his hotel 2 hours later!), yet I found
him to be friendly and chatty, even when negotiating 180-degree
turns on a sheer cliff road, despite Tam's constant singing (Two
Little Boys sticks in the mind) - this is also where he came up
with "On the Batter in Cafe Natur". We were met on the
Westmanna ferry (Torshavn is on a different island to the airport,
and the new tunnel won't be open for a couple of months yet) by
Florentz of the Cafe Natur, who had produced a wee brochure to help
with the stay, as well as arranging for ferry tickets to the game
to be available from her pub. Unfortunately, she was slated by some
sections of the Scottish media for this as a perceived rip-off,
however if they had bothered to leave the hotel lounge for long
enough to do some actual research, they would have found that the
tickets were on sale for exactly the same price (£5 each way)
from the ferry terminal. As an aside, despite the slandering, I
hear that Florentz had such a great time with the TA in her pub
she has booked to go to Iceland for the next game!
We arrived in downtown Torshavn around 10.30pm, and were kindly
dropped off right outside the pub by Roi. As our hotel was a mere
30 metres up the road we went to check in first, and bar a minor
problem with Ally's room (they wanted to chuck him out on the Saturday,
but this was sorted the next day), we were checked in by one of
the most gorgeous women on the islands. Back to the Natur where
I was reduced to sniffing the beer as Helen, Ally & Sue were
plied with free drink from the Danish guys at the next table (one
of whom then proceeded to tell Ally how he was a manic depressive
and was glad of the company!) as we listened to the live music.
Unfortunately, such was the popularity (and smokiness) of this place
that we didn't get to fully appreciate during our stay. All the
while, the TA Message Board wind-up about the Dubliner bar continued
to gather pace (this resulted in a certain TA luminary rowing with
a taxi driver about it's location the following night!).
Friday morning saw me up in time for breakfast (a side-effect
of the sobriety!) and then we went to get hold of a Faroes shirt
and some cuddly puffins before having a wee wander around the Tinganes
area in the harbour, where we met up with Tam, Artour and Coullzer.
With everyone else champing at the bit for the Natur to open at
midday, we wandered up to Skansin Fort for a picturesque view across
the harbour, and the opportunity for Tam to try and deface a national
monument by mounting it's grassy roof. A wee toasted sandwich in
the Natur later, and then back to the hotel for a wee nap (leaving
Tam to mourn that the Natur isn't licensed for spirits until 9pm,
hence his Jack Daniel's deficiency!) and to pick up the match tickets
(which looked more like discount vouchers!).
We were to meet up again later in the Manhattan, scene of much
drunken debauchery, followed by another walk about, and then after
realising that Torshavn really was that small, back to the pub.
Our recce had revealed the location of a key club, or private drinking
club, and is this is such a unique cultural experience in the Faroes,
we simply had to try it. Ally & Sue had gone on another recce
to the Natur, so we headed up there with Craig, Artour, Tam and
Britney (Donny). The club was an experience, and was compared by
someone else (who'd been in at a different time) to something from
Star Wars! With Helen being the only female apart from the barmaid,
and an assortment of Faroese fishermen and small-town lunatics,
we met a tearful headcase and a mad wee eskimo, both of whom could
only speak limited English - all of this was punctuated by Tam and
Britney literally bouncing around the place in an ecstatic embrace
before Donny collapsed to the floor at least three times. When Ally
& Sue turned up it was clear from their faces, and from the
state of our maudlin fisherman friend, that it was time to leave,
and off to Cleopatras (upstairs at the Marco Polo restaurant) we
went. Cleopatras was a refreshing scene after the spartan surroundings
and mental clientele of the drinking club, as it was a nicely set-out
(but small) pub full of partying TA. It also gave us the chance
to be reunited with the mad eskimo and a Faroese urban cowboy, who
proudly boasted to Ally that he "could have forty to sixty
horses here by the morning".
The day of the game came with another breakfast (the only trip
I have ever managed breakfast every single day!), and another chance
to loudly offend Chic Young (although purely by accident!). After
stopping to inflate the 4-foot high inflatable penguin and strap
on the bagpuss we headed downstairs and into the hotel lounge, where
we grabbed a table with Mike, Suzanne, Pete (aka "Man In Deerstalker"),
Mac and Jim from Airdrie, where I was plied with iced water (and
Helen with beer). After popping down to the Natur to let Ally &
Sue know that we wouldn't be down (it was far too busy), and fending
off various attempts to penguin-nap the inflatable, we headed for
the boat around 1.30pm. The boat, which was roughly the size of
an Isle of Wight ferry and had tickets for 800 passengers, sailed
at 2pm, docking around 40 minutes later, leaving us 20 minutes to
scramble up the 400-metre steep hillside to the ground. Despite
the advantage of being some of the first people off the boat (by
virtue of following the locals to the car deck), and having three
relatively fit and able people (plus one fat bastard who only days
previously was being accused of having heart problems), we still
missed the anthems and kick off. We were however in for the two
Faroese goals, and the what followed of the first-half was somewhat
shell-shocked. As several people, aware of my plight, said to me
"this is bad enough drunk - it must be really bad for you being
sober!". Two second-half Scotland goals and three missed Faroese
sitters gave the scoreline a more respectable look of 2-2 (trust
me, if you were there you'd agree that was acceptable!), and the
journey downhill was a lot quicker and easier than the climb (metaphoric,
or what?) back to the boat. The atmosphere was somewhat sombre on
the boat, but the sense of relief amongst the Tartan Army was tangible
(as was the disappointment amongst the 12 Madur - the Faroese "Twelth
Man").
After pizza and a quick trip back to the hotel, Helen and I headed
for Cleopatras, where we met up again briefly with Ally & Sue,
and a particularly "tired and emotional" Adam (aka Eurostar
Man) from Loony Alba. Another mad man, this time and Icelandic trawlerman
- "In 1967, I was in Aberdeen, It was very clean. But in 1968
I was in Grimsby. It is a dirty, dirty town" - and we were
off back to the Hafnia lounge (Manhattan and Natur being too busy,
and not much desire to go back to the drinking club, or on to one
of the discos with me sober). The Hafnia was perfect, as it gave
us the chance to see the match highlights on the telly, before pulling
up a pew with the same crowd as before the game. The laid-back and
semi-civilised atmosphere was exactly what I needed as a non-drinker,
and it was a good few hours chatting before it was off to bed (still
an early night at around 2am, but not bad for a tee-totaller!).
On the Sunday we vowed to do something worthwhile, so after a
detour to the hotel's roof-terrace, we headed to the bus terminal
for a Westmanna bus, determined to go on the birdcliff boat-cruise
to see some puffins. Around 20 other TA had a similar idea, so after
an entertaining bus journey hearing about the night before from
the Battlebus Commander - "the locals came out the trees at
5am carrying bottles of vodka. It was like hogmany - bodies everywhere!",
and Pear Cider - Paul "What's pear cider like?", Maurice
"Have you ever had sex?" - we arrived at Westmanna pier
and split into two groups for the two competing boat tours. The
other tour got a brand spanking new, shiny speedboat style cruiser,
and we got a tiny wooden boat a mere 3 foot above the water level.
Out on the almost-open Atlantic, with waves crashing over the side,
there were a few nervous moments, but the scenery was stunning,
and as the sky became bluer as we went around, the changing light
on the cliffs was breathtaking. Unfortunately, Westmanna is a little
puffin-deficient at the moment, but we were treated to the captain
chasing a baby seagull (or something similar) around a bay. Onboard
we met Gudny (from Leirvek) and Ved (from Mauritius), who had met
at Bournemouth Uni, where they were heading back after a 2-month
summer break - unfortunately Ved confessed to being not only a Manchester
United fan, but also to cheering on England - at least Gudny redeemed
herself (she was one of the few Faroese who cheered on Denmark in
the WC Second Round).
A brief sojourn for 2.8% "light pilsner" (and banana
milkshake for me) at the Westmanna Shell followed, before a bus
driver took pity on us and gave us an unscheduled ride back to the
capital - not before two gorgeous young locals had sauntered past,
one of whom had the intriguing slogan "Royal Ass" across
her trousers. Back to the Natur, where we found the remnants of
the TA still in town (more than half had left straight after the
game or early Sunday), barley able to stand (there are 2 places
open Sunday daytime in Torshavn - church and Cafe Natur!). As a
result, most people could barely stand. Tired of the same pizza
cafe, we sought out alternative sustenance at Pizza 67 (not as daft
as it sounds - they did burgers), and headed over to Manhattan where
most of our pals were in attendance, along with a quilt-jacketed
local the spitting image of Parker from Thunderbirds. He provided
a good hour's worth of entertainment as he spilled pint after pint,
collapsed twice (only to be gently sat up each time by the long-suffering
barman) and was constantly knocked back by his very own "Lady
Penelope" (she's really let herself go!). We met up with Prestwick
Steff and met Freda from Rosyth for the first time, and along with
Tam, we decided to head for the Hafnia lounge for another dose of
civilisation. Despite the place being the quietest it had been all
trip, the atmosphere was still friendly and tolerant (enough for
Tam to smuggle in 2 glasses of JD and Coke), and gave Tam the chance
to enthrall Steff and Freda with tales of Norwegians, car alarms
and Oasis tribute bands, as well as launching into an argument about
how Safeway are killing the music business! A good night nonetheless.
Monday morning and almost time to leave. After checking out at
10am, the search for a stuffed puffin commenced. Despite seeing
them available for £40 in the hotel foyer, I managed to pick
one up for a bargain £26 at the tourist office, before following
that with a deeply offensive puffin foot badge for a mere £3
(no wonder there's no birds left at Westmanna - they must have kept
falling off the cliffs after their feet had been chopped!). Lunch
in the Natur at the second attempt (our first order went to the
wrong table), then a stroll down to the bus terminal, where Roi's
bus was waiting to take us home. He had been presented with an ETA
t-shirt, which he was delighted with, and we followed this up with
his very own NATA pennant for his bus (the other lucky recipients
were the Hafnia, Natur and Manhattan). Sat right at the front, with
Tam in a boisterous singing mood opposite, we set off for the airport,
only to stop on the outskirts of town to pick up a pretty air-stewardess
who had the dubious luck to sit next to Tam, allowing the entire
bus to watch and learn from the master at work ("How do you
say you have beautiful eyes in Faroese?"), before sharing his
pain when he was KB'd (knock backed - I didn't know what it meant
either!). A pretty uneventful flight followed, and it was just Helen,
me and Kenny on the Aberdeen-London leg, again allowing for a civilised
chat (which was quite a feature of this soberest of trips!).
So there you have it, you can still have fun off the bevvy, although
when the guilty culprits read this and see just how much more I
can remember when I'm dry, it remains to be seen how many of them
will come near me in Iceland!
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After the epic account of a mere 4 days
in the Faroes, I've toned it down a wee bit here, and what you read
is actually two separate articles joined together. These articles
were originally written for the Worthing FC Programme and the Loony
Alba newsletter.
As soon as the Euro 2004 draw was made, Ally and I agreed to take
certain booking responsibilities were known. The Faroes were his
bag, and Iceland was mine. A swift double-check of the whole group's
fixtures was made, revealing that Iceland were to host Lithuania
on the Wednesday following our visit. Always keen to take in an
game, and safe in the knowledge that there was no way the SFA would
be daft enough to arrange a friendly for the week after a crunch
competitive game (aye, cheers for that!), we booked for the week,
reasoning that we'd take in some sights along the way. In addition,
we shunned the cheaper option (for Helen and I anyway) of Heathrow
flights for the Glasgow route, to help Ally and Sue in Inverurie.
Of course, when this was booked in February I had no idea that I
would be suffering with stomach ulcers and be under doctor's orders
to stay off the beer!
Aided by some extra weekend work and generous boss, we set off
Glasgow a day early, allowing us to break the journey in the Lake
District (the last time we drove in the oner, I started hallucinating
around 3am, and saw priests on bicycles coming towards us on the
M6!) and arrive refreshed in Clydebank, in the middle of a family
visit of my cousin to my Mum's house. The next morning it was up,
kilted and off to the airport, where we met up with Ally and Sue,
and a few other travellers including Ian from Blackpool and Moira
from Glasgow. After a few beers (or waters for me) in the bar, we
made it on to the plane - for some reason Helen and I had business
class style seats (perhaps it was the Iceland shirt I was wearing
with my kilt?), but the cuisine on offer soon redressed the balance
- Helen has some unidentified fish pate, and my vegetarian option
consisted of lettuce, cucumber and tomato.
The bus in to town from the airport (which takes almost an hour)
was an experience in itself. The bus was quickly packed, and the
last person on was sprightly 69-year-old Moira. Spotting the last
free seat at the back of the bus, she moved towards it, only for
the lads sitting next to it to say "that's for our beer"
- "Nonsense," replied Moira, "I'll sit on it anyway,
I hatch beer!" Keflavik International airport is at the tip
of rocky, lava created peninsula on the southwest tip of the island.
The area is therefore treated to harsh Atlantic winds (the rain
was blowing in sideways when we stepped off the plane) and the landscape
is treeless and desolate, with lava-strewn boulders on both sides
of the exceptionally straight road towards the capital. The driver
was having obvious difficulty keeping the bus in a straight line,
much to the consternation of the girls sat over the aisle from us.
As we passed a cemetery on the outskirts of town, someone joked
that it was owned by the bus company! The bus transferred everyone
to individual minibuses to ferry people to their own hotels - ours
was based right on the main drag through the town. After a quick
freshen up, it was out to find a beer, some food and pick up the
tickets that my Icelandic fried, Bragi Fjalldal, had sorted out
for us. With the massive interest in the game, everyone was worried
about getting tickets - the KSI (the Icelandic FA) allocated Scotland
15% of the 7,000 capacity (which is 5% more than they had to), but
with 3,000 Scots travelling and only 1,050 official tickets, panic
was widespread. As it turned out, all bar one of the seven Netley
Abbey Tartan Army members qualified for official tickets due to
previous attendance, and in any case Rich had been there since Tuesday
and had picked up an extra 6 (to help out the Milngavie boys and
two of Craig's pals), but nonetheless, we had spent over £200
between us on these briefs, so off I set to find them.
Through the wind and the rain we set off, but with the weather
as it was, we agreed that Ally, Sue and Helen should stay put in
a bar, leaving me to negotiate the quayside looking for the Esso
Garage that had the tickets put aside (Esso being the KSI's sponsors).
When I got there they had not heard anything about them, and there
followed a frantic bout of phone calls involving the KSI, me, the
Esso garage and Bragi in London. It transpired that they'd sent
the tickets to the wrong garage, and after apologising profusely
(bear in mind here that as a Scotland fan - I'm not even supposed
to have these tickets!), they invited down to their offices at the
stadium at 11am the next morning to pick them up. After almost an
hour sorting this out, I had understandably worked up an appetite,
so back to Sirkus bar to meet the others then to Pasta Basta (what
are you having? Pasta, ya basta!) for some food. The ticket saga
was not yet over, as we still had to pick our own SFA tickets from
the team hotel, so after a pit stop in the politically correct "Unkle
Tom's Kabin", where Tam Coyle was as disturbing as ever and
Bryan was clearly enjoying his stag weekend, we walked to the Radisson
where we were sure it would be breeze. It seemed half the Tartan
Army were in the hotel bar, so it seemed rude not to pause. This
also gave me the opportunity to "freshen up", given the
constant instability of diseased stomach - disaster was narrowly
averted as I threatened to block the only pan in the gents! Back
off in to town, and to attempt to meet up with Rich, David and Allan
(aka The Ladies Man, The Lost Man and The Moomin), as well as Schneckie
Nick and his pal Scott. After an abortive attempt to find people
in the Dubliner, we headed to Nelly's where we hooked up with a
crowd of Ally and Sue's pals from the TAMB (www.tartanarmyboard.co.uk)
and some of the Loony Alba boys. The highlight for me was looking
for the gents and stumbling across a "disco room" on the
top floor, complete with Icelandic drunks headbanging to Def Leppard
songs - unfortunately no-one else shared my enthusiasm.
We still hadn't met up with Rich et al, and as he was carrying
the Milngavie boys' tcikets it was now becoming a priority. Purely
by chance, he looked out the window of the bar he was in just as
we walked into the Celtic Cross over the road, and over he came.
Back to his hotel room for the tickets, where he showed off it's
somewhat unique set-up - a door straight into the car park ("for
when I want to smuggle someone in!"), and a bathroom accessible
not only from the room, but also the corridor! Back to the hotel
at 1am, when everything shuts Sun-Thurs, and despite me being as
fresh as daisy (some of the cleanest tap water in the world, apparently!),
Helen was a wee bit "tired and emotional", and slightly
ill, which she naturally put down to the lasagne!
I was up for breakfast on the Friday, although Helen couldn't quite
face it. After a quick rendezvous with the Milngavie boys to pass
on some tickets, it was off with Ally and Sue to the Laugardalsvollur
stadium to pick up the errant KSI tickets. After catching the bus
to the ground we were met by a security guard who explained how
Berti was a wee bit touchy about visitors, and as the team were
training, only I was allowed in to pick up the tickets. The staff
at the office were really friendly, and when I gave them a NATA
pennant as a gesture of friendship they reciprocated with a KSI
pennant and badge. Back on the bus and then on to Hafnarfjordur
for the Under-21 game.
Arriving at Hafnarfjordur, we looked in vain for a pub (even the
tourist office was shut!) until we found a little cafe with a carlsberg
sign and a strange man behind the bar. We were the only customers,
and when I asked for a water he disappeared out the back and returned
with a class of crystal clear liquid that unfortunately stank of
raw sewage. Apparently this is common due to the sulphur content,
but as everytime I raised the glass to my lips I could detect strong
hints of jobby, I decided to give it a miss. We set off up the hill
to the ground in search of pizza, and found the Robin Hood pizzeria
close by (with free soup!). By the time kick-off approached the
wind was howling and we could tell rain was not far off. After paying
1000kr (£8!) to a woman sat in a parked car (operating as
a turnstile) we walked in and realised we were on the wrong side
of the ground on terraced steps, opposite the bulk of the Scotland
fans in the main stand. We managed to walk round and use the tickets
we had from the car to get in, and made our way to the top far corner
to try and get a decent view. Kevin Kyle, of all people, scored
a beauty (Helen swears he was trying to blast it over but missed!),
and Scotland headed into the interval with a 1-0 lead. Right before
half-time the heavens opened, so we wisely sought shelter downstairs
(where we spotted a Clydebank pennant on the concourse wall), and
only lasted around 15 minutes of the second half, reasoning it was
better to cut our losses than suffer colds for the remaining days
of our stay. However we didn't leave straight away as we spoke to
several people down in the concourse, and as we were walking away
from the ground, two cheers went up for what we later found out
was a second goal and the sending off of the Iceland U21 captain.
After a wee rest stop at the hotel (after bumping into Mike and
Suzanne on the way back) we resolved to go for a posh meal, but
first had to perform more ticket distribution duties in the Celtic
Cross. No sooner had we walked in the door when Stuart from the
Portsmouth Tartan Army had bought Helen and I drinks. This led to
the strange scene of me having to carry a full pint of lager across
the bar (where I swear every other person stopped me to say "I
hope that's not for you in your condition") and thank Stuart
for his kindness and apologise for not being able to drink it, much
to everyone's amusement. We then headed off to Ristorante Caruso
for some top notch grub, before heading to an Icelandic bar near
the Cafe Opera. The topic inevitably turned to the contentious TAMB
issue, but I managed to take everyone's mind off things by swiftly
handing out some rocket balloons. One last call into Unkle Toms
finally united me with Nick - Scott was "gathering his thoughts",
slumped in the corner, and we agreed to rendezvous in there the
next day. On the way back to the hotel (less than 50 yards away)
we bumped into Dave M and Arthur, who were both quick to warn me
that the street ahead was a wee bit punchy - no sooner had the words
left their lips when a local staggered into us and spat at our feet!
Simply ignoring the offender had the desired effect, and we made
it back inside without further incident.
The Saturday morning brought a morning rendezvous with everyone
in Unkle Toms, where we thought we had shifted the two remaining
tickets. Bragi had arranged the tickets several months previously,
when a 4000kr (around £32) deal secured tickets for 4 games,
one of which was Scotland. We explained this to an older guy, and
were therefore surprised to see him storm in 20 minutes later accusing
us of ripping him off (bear in mind these tickets were changing
hands outside the Dubliner for twice this amount!) - we duly gave
him a refund, and actually ended up with these two remaining unsold.
We had been invited to a pre-match "party" taking place
in four rooms at the Hotel Island overlooking the stadium. After
an initial scare involving a ticket for Steff's pal, we made it
into the ground for the anthems. Due to the atmosphere on the terracing
behind the goal, many people in the SFA section never made it round
to their seats, meaning all the more room for the rest of us. The
first goal brought understandable joy, but for me it was the manner
of the performance - composed, calm and always in control - that
capped it off. Gary Naysmith's screamer of a second goal was the
icing on the cake - it's not often that you see a left-back score
on the volley on his right foot in the inside-right position!
After the game it was back off up the hill to the sports bar next
to the Island (Wall Street Casino Bar), where it turned out they
would be showing the Slovakia-England match. The atmosphere was
superb, with the locals and the bar staff helping to make it friendly
(the barmaid even sported a tartan mini-skirt!) and it seemed like
the entire Loony Alba contingent was present, including Adam Tracy
performing his very own "Winnie The Pooh" tribute. After
the game a taxi was called to take a group of us to Pasta Basta,
where we joined later in the meal by Kevin D, who finished off the
meal by pinching Helen's chick peas. The highlight of the evening
that followed was the first visit to Unkle Toms (yep, that place
again!), where we treated to the sight of Machar showing off his
ample bosom as the whole place jumped up and down to the sounds
of the Sex Pistols (fancy the Tartan Army dancing to a band that
uses the Union Jack as an icon?).
After Helen and I roused from our slumber around midday on the
Sunday (and remember, as I'm still off the bevy on Doctors orders
- Portugal is pencilled in for my international comeback - Sunday
was hangover free!) we made our way to the tourist office and sorted
out some sightseeing excursions (more on this later). Then off up
the Cathedral Tower with Mr and Mrs Maciver, where met a wee Tibetan
who gave the ladies a buddhist charm bracelet each (don't worry,
we gave him a Netley Abbey Tartan Army badge in return!). After
a wee sojourn to the Kringlan shopping centre (and Hard Rock café
for something to eat), we spent a leisurely evening around the town.
The Monday saw the first of our excursions - a bus trip of the
Golden Circle - waterfalls, geysers, national parks, volcano craters
and garden centres. Apparently, the hot water is used to heat greenhouses
where various tropical fruits, including bananas, are grown - "not
to eat, but for fun" according the guide. After a lunch stop
at the Geyser visitor centre, we set off for the Thingveller national
park. Unfortunately, the pepperoni pizza had taken its toll on a
few people (see, my vegetarian diet is far heathier!), and a young
gentleman from Inverness ended up closer to nature than he had intended.
Back to Reykjavik - but not for long. We had booked a discounted
evening trip to the Blue Lagoon, so we killed time in the Hotel
Loftleider bar between buses. The Lagoon was nice and quiet, and
very eerie in the dark (thankfully this probably stopped us having
to witness the "environmental remnants" left by several
hundred Scottish visitors over the past weekend. A bonus for everyone
else in the pool at the same time as me - they thought they'd got
a whale-watching trip thrown in as well! After an exhausting day,
a quiet evening followed, although I did enjoy my best pint of the
trip - the water in Kaffi Brennslan was the best I had all trip!
Tuesday was another excursion day - this time in a monster truck
4x4 up to the mountains and glaciers north of Reykjavik. Four of
us (Ally, Sue, Helen and I) and a German couple were in the big
jeep, and we saw loads of stuff (boiling water coming out of the
ground, strange horses, waterfalls, walking on glaciers) before
getting back to Reykjavik just in time to throw on the kilts and
settle down in the Sport Kaffi (opposite the TA stronghold of Nelly's)
with some food and the Scotland-Canada game on the big screen. This
was quite a moment for me - as this was the first game I've missed
in 3 years (since the Faroes away game in June 1999), and my watching
of the game was punctuated by a stream of abusive texts from fellow
newsletter contributor Kevin Donnelly. After enjoying the 3-1 win,
we moved on to Glaumbar, another sports bar near the Dubliner where
the majority of the other Scots still in town had watched the game,
before popping in to the Dubliner for the "caberet".
Wednesday morning brought an opportunity to go whale-watching.
After getting a lift to Harfnarfjordur (where the U21 game was played
- and where Jim Bett's sons play their club football), we set out
for 45 minutes into bay, only to meet with 6-foot high swells, a
bevy of seasick tourists and an early u-turn. Back into town for
some soup in a bread, before heading towards the ground for the
Iceland-Lithuania match.
As I have an Icelandic pal (ironically living in London), he was
able to set us up with an internet package that involved buying
tickets for 4 games (friendlies against Andorra and Hungary, plus
Scotland and Lithuania). Due to the complexities of his name being
on the tickets, and him in Hammersmith and unable to pick them up
for me, it was baited breath that I had tried to collect them the
previous Thursday. No luck, as they had sent them to the wrong petrol
station, but an appointment at the KSI office the next day sorted
everything out. Along with 6 tickets that Rich had picked up previously
meant that we had been able to help a lot of people out (in fact,
we ended up with two spares that we couldn't get rid of on the Saturday).
As a result of all this, we already had our tickets sorted out for
the Wednesday game.
When we got to the ground we were amazed at the number of Lithuanians
that had made the trip. On reflection, many of these fans could
have been ex-pats (possibly living in the US), but nonetheless there
were at least 150 Lithuanians present in a crowd of 3-4,000. Our
tickets were for the central section of the same stand our STC tickets
had been in on the Saturday, and we were in with the Icelandic "Ultras".
It seemed as though everyone had brought something along to use
as a drum - one guy was banging a biscuit tin. As ever (apart from
when smashed at 2am on weekends), the local fans were friendly as
ever, helping us to hang our flags over the wall. The team played
superbly, coasting to a 3-0 win over an outclassed Lithuanian side
reduced to 10 men after 30 minutes, with Eidur Gudjohnsen in sublime
form, scoring two and missing a last minute penalty by blasting
it over the bar. The only Lithunian player of any note was their
number 8; he was captain, and was left to try and carry the rest
of the team.
During the match we were in text contact with several people,
including my pal Welsh Steve who was at the Wales-Italy game, so
when the first text came through mentioning the Macedonia corner,
we all agreed it must be a wind-up. This was confirmed within minutes,
so after our game had finished, we hot-tailed it back into town
to Glaumbar to catch the last 20 minutes or so of the England match.
The only moment of cheer for us was Smith's sending off, but we
couldn't believe how partisan the locals were against England.
An early night followed, as we were to get up before dawn on Thursday
for the Glasgow flight. Only a handful of Tartan Army were on it
(including Iain Munro who had missed his flight on the Sunday),
but when we went to check in we were told that not only was the
flight full, but there were no adjacent seats. It turned out that
an Aberdeen school party were coming back from the US and some bright
check-in clerk in Washington had give every single one of them a
window seat! The last thing that struck me about Iceland, which
is a surprising country, is that the airport resembled a refugee
centre at that time in the morning, so goodness only knows what
it must have been like for those going home on the Sunday morning!
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In a bid to end the ongoing stomach saga, Paul decided to bite
the bullet and go ahead with a claim on his private medical insurance
for a gastroscopy (wee camera down the throat) - this was carried
out under sedation just two days before the flight to Porto. As
a result of the effects of the sedative, Paul managed to have no
sleep whatsoever on the Friday night (despite having booked the
luxurious Le Meridien hotel at Gatwick), so come 6am Saturday morning,
it was a somewhat irritated Paul who made his way to the airport
for the 7.30am flight. It turned out that the plane had a flat battery,
so after bussing the 20-or-so passengers on to the plane (which
was colder than outside, as there was no heating), we sat and froze
for 90 minutes whilst the engineers jump started it. Well, most
people froze, but Helen ended up with her coat, my coat and a BA
blanket to keep her warm.
Arrival in Porto was followed by a bus ride to the Holiday Inn
(everyone got off at the centre, but the driver drove us round and
dropped us at the door) and a siesta to catch up on lost sleep.
Rich and Inverness David flew in early evening and we met up at
8pm at Rich's hotel, whilst the skies opened outside (the rain was
to become a theme of the trip!). A taxi was called to take us to
Solar do Vinho do Porto, a posh Port cafe overlooking the Rio Douro
(except it was dark and pouring with rain. Several glasses of Port
later (some costing around 70p, some £7!) and a cab ride back
into town took us to the Ribeira area. A swift bar crawl of sorts
followed, but it looked as though the rain was keeping the locals
indoors. Two things stood about this night - the waiters chasing
Rich down a back alley to warn him about the danger (this was a
timely warning, as two guys were jumped later in the week) and the
card system used to pay in the trendier Porto bars. An obligatory
"research" trip was made to Ryan's Irish bar (for Paul
to have a medicinal Guinness) and Helen and Paul headed home around
3am. Rich and David were to take in a couple of clubs, including
Mau Mau (that had Rich dancing on the bar) and an unnamed goth club.
The plan had been to acclimatise to Porto on the Saturday night
and then take in two league matches on the Sunday and Monday. Salgueiros,
a second division team from a Porto suburb, were to host Aves on
the Sunday (according to their website anyway), but after meeting
David in the Holiday Inn (no Rich - turned out he's slept in after
his antics the night before) I bought a sports paper from the kiosk
in the square just to see if there was any build-up. What I wasn't
expecting to see was a full match report (3-2 to Salgueiros) - after
taking the paper back to the hotel reception I was told that the
game had been played a day early, but a swift check of Sunday's
fixtures showed FC Maia (8 miles away) at home to Rio Ave (only
20 miles up the road, so a local derby) at 4pm. Although it was
only midday and kick-off was at 4pm, we opted to get a cab up to
Maia to soak up the pre-match atmosphere and get something to eat.
The stadium was handily placed in the middle of town - what wasn't
so handy was the fact the town was pretty much shut, including any
signs of life at the ground. A burger and a beer was grabbed in
the Wimpy (more of a bar than you'd be accustomed to over here)
and then another beer (and a veggie omelette for the fat vegetarian
amongst us) was had in a shopping centre (another theme of the trip
- no less than 5 meals in shopping centres!) before heading back
to the ground for tickets. In between we had circled the ground
to no avail, before heading down what can only have been the players
entrance only to be confronted by a confused groundsman - an English
speaker was found and it was explained where we could get tickets,
as well as letting us take a photo of the trophy room (like nothing
you've ever seen before!). The tickets cost around £8, but
on entering the turnstiles it became clear they were for the away
end, as we found ourselves surrounded by the green and white clad
Rio Ave support - this did not turn out to be a bad thing. In a
crowd of around 3,000, Rio Ave must have brought around 700 with
them, and they were by far the noisiest and most fun, with a whole
raft of drums and horns (interestingly these were played very tunefully
by the men whilst the women, around a third of the travelling support,
started all the singing!). A nice touch, and one slightly at odds
with the image of Portuguese macho culture at football, was the
Rio Ave captain throwing a giant green and white teddy bear over
the fence to the supporters at the start of the game.
In such a friendly and fun atmosphere I had no qualms about hanging
up the NATA flag (after all, we were all in kilts anyway) and joining
in with cheering on Rio Ave. Maia took a first-half lead through
a fine headed goal (every time the home team scores in Portugal,
a mocking party version of the chorus from "I will survive"
is played at top volume) but Rio Ave equalised with a penalty at
the start of the second half. The game continued to pretty end-to-end
without really looking like either side would add a second until
the dying moments of injury time when an FC Maia free-kick was floated
over and met with a glancing back header that fooled the keeper.
It was at this point we learned that most of the fans around us
(we had kept out of the way, away from the Rio Ave hardcore) were
actually Maia fans. On the way out we were amazed to see two middle-aged
women going at each other at the top of the stairs, and then we
were diverted away from the home support and had to walk the long
way for the bus home. After a brief conversation with the parents
of a Dutch Rio Ave player we managed to flag a bus down (well, it
was stuck in a traffic jam) only to cause total gridlock whilst
the driver sorted out our change.
Back in town, David decided he was still feeling too ropey, and
Helen and I agreed to meet Rich at 11pm at the best of Saturday
night's bars. After a stroll down the steep narrow lanes from the
hotel to the riverside, we walked along the Ribeira promenade to
look for a football bar I had heard about. Unfortunately it turned
out to be a strip-lit cafe full of hooded neds and ultras, so we
opted against going in and chose the quainter bar on the riverfront
itself. Of course, this turned out to be for the head hoolies, as
the constant stream of neds from the other bar coming to receive
instructions proved, but nonetheless we treated as friends and they
chatted to us for a short while before we left them a NATA pennant.
We decided to head for some more Port and had a three-glass selection
each. Once Rich had joined the fray we walked in to one of the disco-style
bars where a few Scots had started to congregate. After a wee bout
of dancing to Las Ketchup on stage, Helen and I made our excuses
around 2am, a mere 5 minutes before the gay strippers took to the
stage and two young ladies who had been dancing became much more
friendlier with each other!
Yet another rainy day on the Monday forced us to abandon the grand
plan to walk over the top deck of the massive bridge, and a taxi
was called to take us to Taylor's Port House, where we bumped into
Prendy and another couple of guys, followed by Ally and Sue. After
the tour and the sampling, and another tour and samples at Calem,
we headed back over the bridge (lower deck) to the cafe bar in the
square for cheese toasties before catching a cab to the Estadio
do Bessa for the Boavista game. Trying to actually hail a cab in
the Porto rush-hour is not particularly easy - the reason for which
was to become clear as a 3 mile journey stretched into almost a
full hour. Well, it was raining! We still arrived in time for Paul
to get a Boavista shirt (like a chessboard) and to swap a NATA pennant
for a Boavista pennant and badge in the club bar (theme number 3:
the constant generosity of Portuguese people). Boavista were hosting
Gil Vicente in a televised match, which no doubt had an effect on
the attendance (3,000) and the travelling support (around 15). After
all we'd heard about the attacking outlook of Portuguese football,
and the encouraging end to the previous day's game, we all had high
hopes. Unfortunately the game was to be one of the worst I have
ever witnessed, as Gil Vicente limped to a 1-0 win. Funnily enough,
as we went to leave the stadium, the 15 away fans were being kept
in by the polis!
A quick pizza and cab back to the hotel later and we were due
to meet some of the London boys around 11pm. A wee recce on Sunday
night had turned up a promising looking bar down an alleyway off
the square the hotel was in, so it was agreed we would meet in Bar
Vulcao. Of course, this was to turn out to be the sort of "Twin
Peaks-esque" bar that only Paul can sniff out, as when we walked
in two old boys at the counter were close to fisticuffs. No sooner
had we settled down with our 60p beers than the Portuguese Alan
Davies was showing us his Benfica keyring and one of the barroom
brawlers (turned out he was a singing shoe-shiner) started serenading
me with fado ballads - such was the scene when Kevin and Craig walked
in. More lunacy was to follow as Ally was invited upstairs to see
the "rest of the house" - a karaoke bar that would open
the next day, complete with a glass stage and pink flamingos - but
sadly we had to leave to get downtown. After rendezvousing in the
same disco bar as the Sunday, where we also ran into fellow Worthing
fans Raz and Brian, we headed off to find somewhere more local,
and found an absolute gem of a place on a corner of the square.
Whilst the owner was originally a wee bit nervous with having 30-odd
hairy Scotsmen in a place no bigger than my living room, he soon
warmed to us, even to the extent of changing the TV channel to provide
some exotic entertainment. We thought the game was up when the polis
walked in just after 3am, but after the music was turned down they
joined us for a drink. When we finally left at 4am we managed to
squeeze 5 of us in a taxi for 4 - being fat does have it's advantages,
as I was absolutely fine in the front seat!
Tuesday saw us head down the hill (more of a sheer cliff face!)
to the station, where we managed to piece together that there were
no trains straight to Braga - we had to get off and get a bus halfway
there. The carriage quickly turned into a Tartan Army section, where
a very odd French man joined us and proceeded to chat up most of
the lads, before taking a can of beer, placing it on the aisle floor
and singing a latin blessing to it. All the while the locals looked
on in bemusement. Disaster almost struck on the rail replacement
bus as it wound it's way through the vinho verde vineyards, as all
the beer consumed on the train started to take it's toll - thankfully
everyone held on, which saved anyone abandoning ship in the middle
of nowhere. In another shining example of Portuguese efficiency
(as if scheduling a match in a city with no rail links in a stadium
with no roof in the rainy season wasn't enough) the bus dropped
us at a deserted bus station on the outskirts of the town, with
only a single taxi to make shuttle runs to the hotels! As we were
staying at the SFA's hotel (the Hotel Turismo) we were able to pick
up our tickets as we checked in. On heading out, a quick pizza (shopping
centre again!) and stroll around the town (where we saw the outside
of the famous cathedral) we got chatting to a Policeman. After giving
him a badge, he returned the favour by swapping it for his Braga
Municpal Police badge ("Don't worry - the government will give
me another one!"). After another siesta we settled in to the
Cafe Vianna in the main square for the evening, where we met up
with everyone already in the town (and Paul and Helen celebrated
Worthing's excellent 2-0 shock victory at Lewes in the Sussex Cup),
before heading across to the Hotel Ibis bar (24 hour, stupidly!)
for more fun and frolics before I reached the point of realising
it was bed-time.
A lie-in followed on the Wednesday, meaning a 1pm-ish arrival
at the Vianna where the party was already in full swing. After a
few beers, myself and Helen, Ally and Sue, Steff, Campbell and Adam
headed off for a few new venues, starting with Cafe Sporting, a
grim strip-lit place (much like most Portuguese cafes), where we
swapped a pennant for a comedy inflatable hammer. A swift trip to
the Braga club shop to pick up a club shirt (the away one in tasteful
navy and cream for a bargain £20) and a cheese toastie later
it was off to A Gruta, the tiny bar opposite the hospital's shrine.
We'd already started the day with a martini com cerveja - a generous
martini topped with lager for a fruity lager-ish drink, so it was
back on to these. This was the bar that had the toilet sinks set
into rock, yet Helen had to ask for the key to the Ladies behind
the bar, as a coated doctor, still wearing his badge and stethoscope,
popped in for a fly beer! Another bar, and a first taste of Sagres,
before we were summoned to the small cafe next to the Turismo where
Ally and Sue had met up with some of the London Boys and, as it
turned out, the Worthing contingent. After sharing tales of the
previous night's cup upset with Raz and Brian, and ordering what
seemed like half-a-dozen toasties before I finally got one for myself,
it was time to whip out the secret weapon: bin bags! Half-drunk,
we had wandered into a Braga supermarket earlier in the day and
somehow communicated our need for bin bags. Thinking that these
would be a life-saver in the downpour outside (and bear in mind,
the stadium had neither seats nor cover), imagine the disappointment
of everyone in the bar when they turned out to be swing-bin liners.
Not to be deterred, we wrapped ourselves in them as much as possible
and set off, through the wind and the rain, to make our way to the
stadium.
Braga's Estadio do Primera do Maia is a bowl-like stadium, not
dissimilar to a Roman coliseum, and had cover for around 30 V.I.P.s
in posh (i.e. plastic) seats on the far side of the ground, whilst
the rest of us had to settle for wide open steep concrete steps
(intended to be seats) - thankfully a new ground is on it's way
for Euro 2004, but all of this did give me encouragement that surely
we must be in with a shout for Euro 2008! After beating our way
through the muddy swamp surrounding the ground, and somehow finding
our entrance in rain so heavy it was difficult to see more than
a few feet ahead of your nose. As kick-off neared, we all sincerely
doubted if the game would go ahead, and in all honesty none of us
would have minded a call-off. So much for the alleged 400+ tickets
sold by the SFA - there must have been less than 250 in the ground
(although I don't know anyone who has admitted to staying put in
the pub yet!). When Portugal took the lead no-one was particularly
surprised, and when the penalty was awarded we all sighed and prepared
for the inevitable gubbing. Of course, the save turned out to be
our best moment of the 90, but then the game really could have gone
either way given the farcical conditions. Pauleta grabbed his second
to make it 2-0 to Portugal at half-time, although a strong Scotland
performance (relatively speaking) saw the score stay this way -
the best description I've heard so far: "We did better in the
second half when we were defending the deep end".
As is customary at all Portuguese games (as I now knew intimately)
we were kept in for around 15 minutes, but on leaving the stadium
it seemed that this was purely to give the locals a chance to get
into position. Far from the horror stories we had all heard of Lisbon
in 1995, and what I had seen of the Porto neds myself, we were amazed
at the reception we got. It seemed the police were only there to
stop us from being mobbed by friendly Portuguese fans desperate
to swap scarves, shake our hands or just generally swarm around
us being nice. This, and the party atmosphere out in the streets,
made the soaking trudge back to civilisation a wee bit more bearable,
however on reaching the agreed meeting point to find it shut, we
took the executive decision to head back into the hotel to dry off.
Of course, this was to prove fatal, as coupled with the 9pm kick-off
(meaning we got back to the hotel at 11.30pm) and an early rise
to catch a plane in the morning we opted to cut our losses and have
a quick drink in the hotel bar. This wasn't an unusual decision
- Ally & Sue headed straight to bed, whilst almost everyone
else had a couple of quiet ones here and there before either hitting
the sack or the 24-hour foyer bar at the Ibis. Not for NATA's intrepid
lady-killer though - Rich sniffed out a club open until 7am!
Up in time for breakfast the next day, and then after a frantic
wait for a cab it was a leisurely drive to Porto airport, where
the duty free shop was already taking a hammering. Christian Dailly
was also on the plane for what was quite a rowdy flight home, along
with the realisation that there were no more trips until the Spring
(no Germany Future Cup game for me - no holidays left!)
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I had long resigned myself to missing out on Mainz after the Portugal
friendly was announced, particularly bearing in mind the fact I
had to work in hours in lieu to get that time off. The Friday before
the game brought the crushing disappointment of the Euro 2008 announcement,
and out of sheer desperation I made a request for a day and a half
of next year's holiday to my sympathetic boss (also Scottish) who
gave the nod. That night we booked return flights to Frankfurt and
the same hotel as the team, purely to make picking up the tickets
easier. The irony of all this was hammered home by the fact that
mine and Helen's Christmas present to each other was a trip to Frankfurt
just a week and a half later (arranged as a consolation for missing
out on Mainz!).
Work on the Monday flew past, and at 4.45pm it was off to the
gents to slip into something a little more tartan, which provided
my workmates with a wee bit of entertainment. On arrival at Frankfurt
(the real Frankfurt, not the one 100 miles away) we jumped on the
first S-Bahn, only to end up in the wrong city (Wiesbaden). Thankfully
it was only a 15-minute connection back to Mainz, but by the time
we'd checked into the hotel (and walked to the room, which was over
a dual-carriageway!) we were running quite late. An understanding
concierge actually rang round some of the pubs to find out where
people were, and then we hopped in a cab to the Irish pub - we met
up with many of the guys but failed to catch Kevin and Gavin (apparently
suffering heavily from drinking with Big Jim all day). As the pub
began to close, we picked up Campbell and half-carried him over
the road to Florian (named after the famous French striker perhaps?)
where we met up with Adam the Kiwi air pilot Mick from Birmingham
(possibly a male stewardess) who were due to fly to the Caribbean
the next day. At one point I remember turning round to see Adam
at the bar ordering a round of sambucas, then shouting at the barman
not to light them "as it's burns the bloody alcohol off!".
Neat sambuca wasn't on the approved list for my stomach condition,
but it would be rude to turn it down, wouldn't it?
The next day it was up and into the Markt for some breakfast (crepe?
No, I went before I left the hotel) and then a hunt for the Eisgrub
Brau Haus, a microbrewery rumoured to open all day (which is an
unusual commodity in Mainz) that serves metres of beer (a metre-long
paddle of half-pint glasses as opposed to a yard-like vase). After
an unsuccessful attempt to lure Donnelly to the place, I caved in
and ended up ringing him. Within an hour two long tables were filled
with Tartan Army, and when the place was taken over by a pre-booked
works party it was off to another bar before hitting the Markt again,
accompanied by Kevin's German friend Michael (an Eintracht Frankfurt
fan). German Christmas markets are renowned for their Gluwhein,
so wanting to experience it to the fullest we made our way through
the crowds to one of the busiest stalls (reasoning if it had the
seal of approval from the locals, it must be good stuff). Gluwhein
elicited a mixed response from us, but Helen, Simon and myself developed
a wee bit of a taste for it, so much so that when we retired to
a wine bar on the edge of the square, we slipped back out for second
helpings. Mainz is in one of Germany's main wine-producing regions,
and wine bars are more prevalent than beer halls and a lot less
pretentious than their equivalents over here. When we got back to
our wine bar, we found Adam up to his tricks of bothering the locals,
this time deep in meaningful conversation with a rather glamorous
lady in her forties. Taxis were summoned, and after thinking long
and hard about his options, Adam agreed to accompany us to the game.
We made it in as the anthems were playing, after being delayed
at the gate to check bags into the "left luggage" hut
and took our place at the back of the terrace (hanging the NATA
flag in the adjacent empty section). We were surprised at the number
of German fans in our section supporting Scotland, including one
girl sporting a tartan mini with a Hearts shirt who was entertained
by the Tartan Santas from Den Haag (David & Rossy). The game
was a pretty thrilling affair from what I remember (I had a
satisfying "ready brek" glow around me thanks to the Gluwhein),
and was marked by two late goals - Scotland taking the lead for
the first time in the 88th minute, before a sweetly struck German
free-kick in injury time put paid to any chance of a shock victory.
Taxis were procured (after waiting for Donnelly to haggle with a
scarf seller) and we headed to Scrooges on the recommendation of
local Scottish ex-pat - "hoachin' wi' tottie, man, it's whaur
a' the stewardesses an' 'at go". After finding to our displeasure
that the only customers were a pair of French nazi-punks (another
story), we headed off for some late night food, and as the London
trio retired to bed early, Helen and I headed round to the Irish
pub for one last drink. The party was in full swing, but knowing
we both had to be back in the office the next day, we were suitably
sensible. This paid dividends, as we were lucky to make the train
the next day, and even luckier to make it on to our flight. Still,
we knew we were coming back in a week and half for our Frankfurt
weekend.
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