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EDITORIAL: Mon 20th December 2004

Okay, it's taken a while, but what can I say? It's been a busy few weeks, but at least all this travel eventually makes it on here as part of our popular mini-guides (Moldova this month, an update to the Germany one next month).

This month sees a photographic extravaganza - no less than four new galleries await for your viewing pleasure. This is in part due to my writers block, but the Moldova and Germany diaries will follow, hopefully in time for the next update.

What I can promise you is yet another look-alikes gallery, as the nominations have been coming in thick and fast! Keep 'em coming - there's plenty of room!

Finally, and on a serious note, NATA wishes Walter Smith every success as Scotland's new manager. Whilst not a universally popular choice for many fans, it's time to give the man a chance to rescue our faltering World Cup bid. Having just returned from a trip to Germany, I really don't want to miss out in the summer of 2006!

I wish it could be Christmas every day...

NEW: Germany B Gallery

The dawn of a new era? Just as embarrassing as the last one! NATA followed the "Future Team" to Mannheim to witness a 3-0 defeat... more

NEW: Moldova Travel Guide

A comprehensive, tried and tested pub (and sight-seeing guide) to Moldova's fine capital, Chisinau, along with some general trips... more

NEW: Moldova Gallery

Photographic evidence from NATA's six days in Chisinau are now here... more

NEW: Loony Alba St Andrews Night

Hosted on Paul's own site, a photo journey through the roller-coaster ride that was the Loony Alba annual St Andrews Dinner... more

NEW: Budapest Photos

The journey continued... hot on the heels of Chisinau, NATA stayed in Budapest for three nights "re-acclimatisation"... more


Six new quotes, four from Germany and two courtesy of Gary Macdonald, have been added to the infamous quotes page... more

STOP PRESS: Tues 30th Nov 2004

Happy St Andrews Day! Sorry, but the next update is still a few weeks away. In the meantime, the strong rumours suggest that Walter Smith will be confirmed as manager in the next day or two, and that he is unlikely to want a friendly in February.

We'll be back before Christmas (promise!).

EDITORIAL: Tues 25th October 2004

Okay, so this is much earlier than anticipated, but we have BIG plans, so needed to get a move on.

And yes, I know there's nothing on Moldova! Patience, young padawans, patience. The next update, hopefully in mid-November, should boast not just the photos and diary, but an in-depth guide to the place, should you be hurrying back.

Anyway, live for the moment! What we have brought should be enough to be getting on with - some storming quotes, an in-depth update to our travel plans, and some stunning new Look-alikes.

Finally, watch this space for a unique opportunity to be immortalised in Tartan Army folklore.

Is there too much love in the room?

NEW: Look-alikes Part 5

It's back, with 15 new victims, many courtesy of helpful suggestions (and denhaagdavid's extensive "specialist" collection) ...more

NEW: Norway Home Photos

Only 5 photos, but nonetheless, here is the Norway home game gallery ...more

UPDATED: Travel Details

A thorough update of our travel plans for the known games, and some speculation about the February friendly ...more


No less than twelve stunning quotes, fresh from the mouths of drunkards, now adorn the Quotes Page... more.

EDITORIAL: Sun 3rd October 2004

A photo frenzy awaits in this update of NATA Online. And not someone else's this time either, oh no!

Feel free to tell us what you think of it - but look! - our email addresses have changed due to the mountain of spam that engulfed NATA HQ every day.

Also fresh for your surfing pleasure, we have the Spain diary account. To the best of my knowledge, this is the first time the website has been 100% up-to-date with all away games covered by both diary accounts and photos! Shame it will only last a week or so, then!

Our Moldova trip involves no less than 6 days in Chisinau (a man's got to practice his Russian!), and then a further 3 days "re-acclimitisation" in Budapest... bragging? No (well, maybe), just warning everyone not to hold their breath for the next update.

Cheers, Paul

NEW: Spain Photos

A month on from the rain in Spain, and the camera has dried out sufficiently for the photos to be uploaded to the Spain gallery ...more

And if that's not enough, you can see more photos of Strasbourg and Brussels (on the way to Spain).

NEW: Spain Diary

And that's not all! The diary account of our time in Spain (and in transit) is now also online - it's a big one! ...more

NEW: Hungary & Slovenia Home photos

And in a departure from the norm, I even managed to remember to take photos at the last couple of home mactches against Hungary and Slovenia

EDITORIAL: Sun 12th September 2004

I don't know what all the fuss is about - everyone moaning I'm getting behind with the website, when I updated less then a month ago! Anyway, we're back in business, complete with the Estonia Diary, loads of new quotes and someone else's holiday snaps.

And what's more, we hope to have the Spain Diary, the Spain photos and a few snaps from the last two home matches up and online in the next few weeks and in time for the Norway/Moldova double-header.

Until then... Paul

NEW: Estonia Diary

At last! The long-awaited diary of the 8 day long Estonia trip has finally made it online... more

NEW: (Someone else's) Spain Photos

Cheating a wee bit here, but there is a signfiicant NATA presence in some of fellow Loony Alba member Bruce Cairns' Spain photos. Our own will be here soon - promise!

UPDATED: Tartan Army Quotes

13 new quotes, from the both of the last two homes games and the Valencia trip, with a focus on sangria and bidets... more

NEW: Holiday Photos

Photos of two consecutive weekends in July are now on my personal site - photos from the Innsbruck weekend and the day in London on the London Eye.

EDITORIAL: Sun 15th August 2004

Here we are again. This is where I need to make a wee confession - of the four new articles on the right, two have sprung from external contributors (big thanks to Neil and Donny), and one is no less than six years old! A big spare room clear out turned up my disks from my Uni days, and my dissertation on Scottish National Identity has resurfaced and has been stored on my own site for posterity.

So what is new? Certainly not the Hong Kong photos - Donny sent them to me in March 2003, but I managed to lose the email! Anyway, here they are now - witness the chicken and re-live the story that promises to pass into TA urban legend!

Lots and lots of travel has been piling up the pressure for fresh material, but has at least led to the creation of an Innsbruck guide.

Lots of forthcoming Scotland-related travel (taking up the next 4 weekends) will mean that a new update is a good few weeks off, but you never know, we should actually have the Estonia diary ready by then!? Until then, enjoy the start of the new season...

Keep well, Paul

UPDATED: Women of the World

The controversial Women of the World section has had some new comments added by Tartan Army Lothario "Sexpest"... more

NEW: Extra Hong Kong Photos

Had trouble believing the infamous Chicken Story? Here's some photographic evidence, courtesy of Britney Spears... more

NEW: Innsbruck Guide

Innsbruck is a surprising treasure-trove of top notch bars in an Alpine Valley setting. Gen up on them now, before we're eliminated from Euro 2008... more

NEW: Scottish National Identity

Back in 1998, right before the World Cup, I knocked out this 8,000 word dissertation for my Politics degree. It's pretty meaty, and some of the argument is fundamentally flawed, but nonetheless, here it is on my own site for your reading pleasure... more

EDITORIAL: Sun 18th July 2004

We're all off to Sunny Spain... well, hopefully at least! The long-rumoured friendly has been un-officially confirmed by the SFA, so has been duly added to the Travel section.

The other big change here in NATA-land is the launch of our new club crest - after 5 years without an actual badge, we've spent the last 6 months making the dream a reality. Well, designing a badge, at least. You can now see a preview of the fruits of our labour - expect it to take more of a starring role as time goes by.

The other theme of this update is Estonia - a camera disaster had led to a delay in getting thephotos online, however they're now up with the guide. The diary should follow in the next update.

Speaking of which, we expect to have flowered anew in around a month's time. Feel free to have a look at my own site ( in the meantime, as a few odds and end are beginning to surface there.

Laters, Paul

NEW: Estonia Gallery

Almost 200 photos of the week in Estonia are now online! Just think yourself lucky my camera battery gave up on the Tuesday, or there could have been far more! ...more

NEW: NATA Crest Unveiled

It's been over six months in the making, but the new NATA crest is finally ready to be unveiled to an adoring public, no doubt moist with anticipation ...more

UPDATED: Travel Plans: Spain

Okay, so it's not been fully confirmed, but safe in the knowledge that we won't be the only idiots in kilts in Valencia for no discernable reason, we've gone and booked for the Spain game ...more

NEW: Estonia Mini Travel Guide

After such a superb time in Pärnu and Tallinn, Estonia has now been promoted from a mere footnote of the Baltics guide to it's very own page of travel tips ...more

EDITORIAL: Sat 26th June 2004

A long-awaited, and much delayed, update is finally here. Frustratingly, almost everything was ready to go until I came back from Estonia with a swollen tongue and an unspecified virus! Anyway, now it’s here, there’s a bumper update to get your teeth into, with no less then eight different things to float your boat!

From the stories of Hong Kong, including the infamous chicken episode (that have been no less than 2 years in the making!), through to a travel guide to one of Europe’s undiscovered gems. There’s also some non-TA related galleries with photos of Washington and Clydebank, and pictures of our two sponsor boards (don’t go asking us for any money, mind!). However, this is just the side dish… the main course is our completely revamped and resized look-alikes galleries – enjoy.

I’ve also updated the Links page with some new entries, including the Sons of Scotland website. If your site is Tartan Army related, and is missing, please drop me a line. Remember if you do drop in here, and there hasn’t been an update, you can always follow some of the links on here to other TA websites. The CODTA website ( is always worth a visit for original and humorous material.

The next Scotland game is at home to Hungary in August, a warm-up for the home fixture against their neighbours from Slovenia the following month. It’s not yet certain if there will be a travelling NATA presence at the Hungary game (Ally will be there, but that doesn’t count!), but you can rest assured we will bounce back well before the WC2006 Qualifying campaign kicks off in earnest.

Expect a new, Estonia-themed update within the next couple of weeks. We hope to bring you a diary update, a couple of photo galleries, and a comprehensive pub guide to both Parnu and Tallinn.

Getting the Hong Kong report done has pretty much brought us right back to the present (save for Estonia)… who knows, I may even get a chance to finish that game I’ve been designing for the past 2 years? In the meantime, have a great summer!

I make that Pimms O’Clock!

UPDATED: Look-alike Galleries

Another long-awaited update – the NATA Look-alike Galleries are back, with all-new (well, some, anyway) larger photos, and many more victims. Now across four (count ‘em) galleries, these will amaze, will shock, will stupefy… more

NEW: Slovakia Guide

As promised, here’s the lowdown on this great wee capital in Central Europe. Go now, before word gets out! And make sure you spend some quality drinking time in KGB whilst you’re there! … more

NEW: Hong Kong Diary

Well, it’s only taken two years, but we can now finally bring you the long-awaited NATA saga of Hong Kong in 2002. Unfortunately, it’s a sad tale of a fat man struggling with the heat and humidity and repeatedly failing to get drunk… more

NEW: Hong Kong Chicken Story

What do you mean “the diary wasn’t that interesting”? Well, it’s a good job that there are footsoliders out there determined to take depravity to new lows. Check out The Hong Kong Chicken & Other Stories… more

NEW: Washington Photos

Photos from Paul and Helen’s trip to DC for Dave & Ellen’s wedding are now online on Paul’s own site. They’re a pleasing mixture of famous sites and random American drunks… more


9 new quotes - 6 from Estonia alone - have been added to the Quotes page... more

NEW: NATA is proud to sponsor…

Netley Abbey Tartan Army have been the proud sponsors of advertising hoardings at two well-supported non-league clubs this season – Worthing FC and Clydebank FCmore

NEW: Clydebank photos

Not only that, but Paul actually went up to Clydebank for the last home game of the season, and watched the Bankies win 5-0 to clinch the Abercorn Division Two title. The photos from the day are now online on Paul’s own site… more

Editorial: Wed 12th May 2004

Many of us left the game in Copenhagen with renewed optimism - despite the 1-0 defeat, several players who would previously have been considered "stand-ins" played superbly. A defeat, nonetheless, but far more encourgaing than our last two away games. The photos and diary account for this trip are online already, in what must be record time!

Straight after the Denmark game, we were off to the States for Dave and Ellen's wedding (congratulatons!), and hot off the press we can bring you a mini-guide to DC. There's also a very short list of top Barcelona pubs as well.

So, only a few weeks until the end of our international season, with a trip to Estonia and a bizarre friendly against Trinidad & Tobago in Edinburgh. Our next update should be (relatively!) hot on the heels of our return from the Baltics.

Cheers, Paul

NEW: Denmark Diary & Photos

Well, that was quick! A short trip means a short diary, and you can read it here. There's also 60 photos of the trip, starting here.

NEW: Washington DC Guide

Straight after Copenhagen, it was off to Washington DC for Dave & Ellen's wedding - here's the guide whilst it's still fresh in our minds... more

NEW: Barcelona's Top Pubs

I've been asked many a time to nominate good pubs in Barcelona, and fresh from adding these to the TAMB earlier this week, thought I best capture them here for posterity too... more.


Only two quotes emerged from Denmark, but nonetheless they've been added to the list... more.

Editorial: Sun 25th April 2004

Another mixed-bag of an update, feauturing some new material, and some updates of older pages - check out the revamped Meet NATA page for a more in-depth look at the misfits that make up the Netley Abbey Tartan Army.

We can also bring you a look at the Slovakian capital Bratislava, a truly great place for a city break. Although the photos are on the site (being non-TA), consider them a pre-cursor to the Mini Travel Guide that will follow shortly.

So why no Romania home match photos? Well, I was there, and I did have my camera with me, but for some reason I just forgot to take any photos!

Expect a new update in Mid May, a few weeks after this week's Denmark trip and ahead of the Estonia game. As well as Danish photos and reaction, we hope to resurrect the Look-alikes section as well.

Cheers, Paul


It's been a long time coming, but finally the re-vamped profiles are here. Get to grips with the people behind the t-shirts... more.

UPDATED: Travel Details

We now know the USA tour is off, but at least we have the delights of Tallinn as ample compensation. Check out the NATA Travel Details page to see what we're up to...

NEW: Bratislava Gallery

An Easter break to the Slovakian capital Bratislava has led to over 130 photos being published on my mini-site. Feel free to cast your eye over them - a Travel Guide will follow suit in due course... more.

UPDATED: Women & Drunks of the World

The fact-finding mission to Bratislava has also led to the corresponding entries on the Drunks and Women of the World guides.

Editorial: Sun 28th March 2004

Two updates in a month... NATA are back! With a few trips on the horizon (Scotland for the Romania game, Denmark at the end of April, and Bratislava for a cheeky city break at Easter weekend), normal service will be resumed next month, however, in the meantime...

In addition to new material in the shape of the Wales diary and the relevant additions to the Drunks and Women of the World pages, we've also started turning our attention to bringing other sections of the site into line. Check that you're packing the right pieces with our Joy of Talc page, and see what you're missing on the Solent coast with our Netley Guide.

Our next update is due shortly after Easter, when you can expect the usual mix of morsels, including (we hope) some Romania pictures and some brand new Look-alikes!

Cheers, Paul

NEW: Wales Diary

A shorter trip has led to a shorter diary account, but hopefully it won't disappoint too much! Read all about the shame, the pain and the Brains... more

UPDATED: Netley Guide

A real revamp for the Netley Guide, with some funky new buttons to use as well! ...more

UPDATED: The Joy of Talc

One of the oldest surviving sections of NATA Online has had a long overdue lick of paint, and some new photos to boot... more

UPDATED: Women & Drunks of the World

The drunks and beauties of the valleys have been added to these invaluable guides to the Drunks and Women of the World.

Editorial: Fri 19th March 2004

Things are slowly, but surely, getting back to business as usual here. Obviously, the 4-0 drubbing by Wales took a little adjusting to, as did the recent extraction of my wisdom tooth, but this update should get things back to an even keel.

In keeping with the habit of staggering the photos and diaries (and it's not intentional, honest!), we can bring you the Wales Gallery in an all-new format for 2004. In addition, we've taken a step back to try and look at how people use this website, and we've introduced a User Guide to try and ease newcomers in. Finally, the travel section has also been expanded with possibly the only online Faroes pub guide!

Our next update shouldn't be too far away - remember to sign up for the Newsletter to keep abreast of all new developments.

Cheers, Paul

NEW: Wales Gallery

A new year, a new look and feel to the NATA gallery pages - the new set up starts with the Wales gallery, and allows you to click through the photos in a slide-show style... more

NEW: User Guide

In response to the ever-expanding amount of content on here, this new User Guide is intended to help first-time visitors get to grips with site, rather than run off screaming to the hills... more

NEW: Faroes Mini Guide

In good time for the Republic if Ireland's fixture next year, this Faroes mini-guide gives you the lowdown on downtown Torshavn... more

UPDATED: Website Details

In light of the continued growth of NATA Online, and my commitment to helping other would-be web designers wherever possible, I've updated the Website Info page.

Editorial: Sun 22nd February 2004

Okay, okay... not the biggest content update we've ever had, BUT... there's a lot been going on behind the scenes. And besides, after the 4-0 drubbing in Cardiff, I'm hardly champing at the bit to stir myself into detailing my adventures there.

Anyway, we can bring you five all-new quotes, plus photographic evidence of my pub-crawl holiday in Prague back in January. You may even notice a new "look and feel" around the Prague gallery - this is all part of my continuing plan to conquer the entire World Wide Web with the web empire!

And fear not, the next update is but a few short weeks away, when you can expect to see a Wales diary and photos, and get the lowdown on travel to the North Atlantic capitals of Reykjavik and Torshavn.

Until then, try not to dwell on the state of Scottish football!

Keep well, Paul


A new multi-media empire is beginning to emerge... check out my expanding portfolio of other websites at the hub page of

UPDATED: Quotes Page

Five more pearls of wisdom from the mouths of drunks, covering such typical subjects as drugs, sex and cricket!... more

NEW: Prague Pub Photo Special

As an accompaniment to the Prague Pub guide, work up a thirst for Staropramen as you feast your eyes on these photos from January 2004... more

Editorial: Sun 1st February 2004

Two weeks later than planned, but then twice the size of what it was going to be! For one reason and another, it's been a sluggish start to the year at NATA towers, but now we're off the starting blocks, we know we'll be bringing you the usual additions throughout the year.

This has been a very travel-flavoured update, with a Prague Pub guide, plus lots of fixture information and travel details for Moldova. We've also brought the diary section a little more up-to-date with the Germany account - just Hong Kong to go now!

We'll be back again in a few weeks with some travel info on the North Atlantic capitals (Torshavn and Reykjavik), and maybe even some Wales photos and stories.

Keep well, Paul

NEW: Prague Pub Special

An exhaustively researched, and very up-to-date (Jan 2004) guide to the watering holes of Prague. An extablished Tartan Army favourite, and a possible stop-over for several of our upcoming away games, this guide may prove invaluable... more

NEW: Germany Diary

A few months late, but nonetheless, the diary account of an epic week in Germany in September 2003... more

UPDATED: Travel Details

Now the fixtures for our World Cup qualifying group are known, more concrete plans can be laid down for the other upcoming games. For a complete list of known and rumoured fixtures, check out the Travel Details page.

UPDATED: World Cup Travel Guide

The World Cup Travel Guide has also been updated in light of the draw, particularly with information on our first destination - Moldova.

STOP PRESS: Thurs 28th Jan 2004

Happy New Year! Sorry I've not been sharper with an update - there's plenty planned, but putting it all together is what's taking the time. Come back in a week or two (if the Worthing game is off this weekend, it should be done then!).

Sorry! Paul



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